Living in a Fool's Paradise
by brb bbe
Summary: He was a stag, and she was a doe. He was a chaser, and she was being chased. They lived in a fool's paradise, and when hazel eyes met her green, the story of Potter and Evans met its beginnings. And Merlin, was it a long story. JP/LE SB/OC
1. Prologue

_"Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve."_

_-J. K. Rowling_

* * *

When staring into the eyes of death, God does exist.

When staring at the dark force that would rob you of your life – rip the last breath from your lips – a God was watching. It didn't matter your beliefs, or your thoughts, or any prior convictions in which you pledged yourself to live by, God existed when death was called. No matter how much you may hate the thought – how much you may be enthralled by the thought – God does exist in that moment.

For none who faced death did not think of what would be awaiting them. None did not question their fate as they stared at their lack of a future. They wondered what would become of them; if anything would become of them. So, you see, it did not matter if you had no faith, or if you had every faith, for in the last moments of life, the hope of something more always wins.

She had always claimed that no God existed, and yet as she stared into the eyes of death, she was beginning to question if he was right. "You know, I'm right. There is a God, and one day, when you're desperate, you'll see that I'm right," He had claimed, the memory of his voice echoing through her head as she felt her life slipping from her. He had been joking then, had been laughing at proposition of death. The memory of his laughter was what she clung to in this moment – was what she needed.

_He was right_, she thought, _and I wrong. _

He would never know, though, that he was right. Oh what joy he would have taken in hearing the words come from her lips; _you were right_, she would murmur and he would laugh. "Of course I'm right, you idiot, when am I not?" He would ask, his smile bright and rewarding. They would argue, he claiming that he was always right and she, well, she would claim the very opposite.

But he was right in this moment.

For although she did not believe in a God, in this moment she allowed herself to live in a state of delusion.

In a fools paradise.

For when facing death, she needed hope.

The hope of something more than what there would ever be. The hope that there was a place where she could exist; where she would belong. The hope that she would be okay. All she had was hope. As she faced death, she allowed herself the luxuries she had robbed herself of in life.

She allowed herself optimism, and love; hope and faith. She allowed herself to think of his face – of his smile – and of the sound of his laugh. She allowed the quaint privileges that she had tried to supressed in life. The memory of what it felt to be touched by the tips of his fingers, and what it felt like to have a laugh leave her lips. She remembered all the best bits of her life, and forgot all the worst; she didn't want to think of those things now. There was no time for that.

She closed her eyes, and thought of life, before death took her.


	2. Halloween Delights

CHAPTER ONE

HALLOWEEN DELIGHTS

_"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."_

_William Shakespeare_

Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter related

* * *

Halloween had a monopoly on unfortunate events.

For it seemed that every time the 31st of October greeted the world, tragedies would occur, mysteries would be fuelled, and fires sparked. Halloween, although known to many as a time when pumpkins became relevant, was something of an oddity to the world. It was a day with strange beginnings and strange endings; a day where the strange was celebrated, and the normal was shunned. Halloween, for many, was a time where normalcy was forgotten and the oddities of the world were embraced. It was a day when saints were remembered, and martyrs mourned; it was a day of the oddest complexion.

Yet every Halloween, something strange seemed to occur.

Not many noticed, or dared to even acknowledge, these strange occurrences – these series of unfortunate events, which determined the fate of many. Halloween was, by most accounts, looked over by the ignorant and forgotten by the attentive, yet one thing could not be denied; Halloween had a past of pain, and a future of unfortunate undertakings. But no one seemed to notice.

Until now.

The halls of Hogwarts – a place where dreams were dreamt and futures decided – were dim as the moon nestled itself into the dark abyss above. The sound of conversations, clipped and frantic, were like whispers drifting through the empty hall; tickling the walls and dancing lightly on the aged stone. The Great Hall buzzed with chatter, with gossip; with the exploits of the willing, and the troubles of the rebels. It was light-hearted, and offered students a moment of relief from their rigorous studies – the Halloween feast giving a brief moment of relaxation to all.

Apart from one.

Lily Evans had always loved the Halloween feast; in fact, she basked in the liveliness of the celebrations. From the pumpkins to the dancing lights in the sky, she always seemed so transfixed with the celebrations, even if it was only a minor one. Yet tonight she did not join her table like she had the five years before, nor did she enter the Great Hall to the perfume of the lavish delicacies and delights. Tonight was different. This year was different.

She couldn't tell why this year was so different to the five other years she had been at Hogwarts, but she knew it was. She knew that this year was not like the rest. She knew that it would not be filled with the trials and tribulations of her education; but of the war that was brewing outside the walls that protected them.

Coming from a Muggle family hadn't really affected Lily before this summer – she had never really paid the attention to it like some others did. Like some of her friends did. _He's not my friend anymore, _she told herself, tried to convince herself, as she wandered the hall aimlessly. The fact that her parents could not wield a wand had never caused her much of a bother, yet this summer had been different.

Had been _so _different.

It had started, first, with the extermination of Jane McCormack's family. Jane was a seventh year – bright, boisterous, annoyingly enthusiastic and muggleborn. Lily had never paid much attention to the seventh year; she hadn't felt the need to. But now she did. Jane died with her family on the second day of the summer holidays. _An ambush, _Lily thought as she remembered the article that had been in the Daily Prophet. _A whole lot of help that was, _she bitterly remarked as she remembered how vague it had been; the only real information it provided being that Jane, along with her two Muggle siblings, and parents, had been killed with the killing curse. At the hands of death eaters.

_Jane hadn't even lived, yet, _she thought as she rounded the corner, feeling her breath hitch in her throat at the paranoia that leered over her. It had only been two days into summer when the_ extermination _had taken place; when the dark mark had been cast over the McCormack's London home.

Soon enough, over the summer period, the dark mark was cast over ten other muggleborn homes. Students died, parents slaughtered, and lives lost; all because they were considered to be Muggles – their magic inferior due to their parentage. _Inferior._ Lily had never felt inferior in her whole life. Now, however, the snarling inferiority was the only thing she could feel; was the only thing that filled the voids in her psyche. It fuelled her paranoia, and crippled her logic, something which she had always relied upon. Now, she was no more logical than James Potter.

A scary thought, she will admit, but it was true. She had become irrational – fuelled by her fear. _But I'm brave, _she had told herself over the summer as she tried to quell her dread infused thoughts, _I wouldn't be in Gryffindor if I weren't brave. _Her parents had worried for her, and had asked her what it was that plagued her, yet she couldn't just admit her worries to them, could she? _I would sound like a complete nutter, _she resolved as she shook her head, _and I can't tell Mum and Dad, it'll just scare them._

Images flashed through her mind - the imaginings of slaughtered bodies, their blood amassed on the floor while the dark mark loomed above. Her parent's faces, pale with death, and her sisters body, mutilated and mangled. She couldn't stop the images from consuming her mind as she tried to quell her nausea inducing thoughts – as she tried to divert her imagination from the sight of the slaughter that it was currently preoccupied with. But she couldn't stop imagining it; couldn't stop thinking of her parent's faces touched by death itself.

All because she had been blessed with magic.

_Blessed? _She almost laughed at the thought. _This is a curse_, she thought as her hand wrapped itself around her wand – her grip tightening both in fear and frustration. If she weren't a witch, none of this would be worrying her; hell, she wouldn't even be _aware _of it! She would be an oblivious Muggle, trapped in her own state of ignorance that was untouched by the concerns Lily now held. She would be, in every sense, normal.

And her parents would be safe.

_Safe_, she wondered, _who was safe anymore? The dead, maybe._

Sighing, she pushed herself around another corner – the sound of her shoes tapping against the stone floor echoing through the partially silent hall as she made her way back to the Common room. All she wanted was to get away from everything; from the festivities, and the gossip. Lily Evans desperately needed to get away from the mundanity of school – from the mundanity of ignorance. How could she celebrate, and act like nothing had happened? How could she sit there, and listen to gossip like she cared? How could she be so ignorant when her parents were at risk – when the root of her life was in danger? She couldn't, and that's why she had avoided the Halloween feast like the plague itself.

Consumed with her thoughts – with the images of bloodied limbs and severed dreams overwhelming her – Lily didn't notice a small second year coming around the corner. Sighing, she lifted her head from the ground only to see a small figure, wrapped in it's school Uniform, limping. Confused, Lily fastened her pace as she saw the figure collapse; the sound of their head smashing against the stone causing Lily to run.

"Are you okay?" She called as she ran to them, her features contorted in confusion as she came to the second year, "Hey, are you alright? Are you hurt?"

Kneeling down, Lily took in the sight of a battered second year - her hands coming to lift the girls head and yet she was met with blood. A lot of blood. Lily's eyebrows furrowed as she pulled the girl up, her head falling limply as Lily tried to determine where the source was coming from. "Oh, my god," She whispered as she felt the blood pool at her knees, and stain the stone. "What the hell happened to you?"

Opening the school robes to reveal the girls white shirt, Lily felt her breath ripped from her as she saw the blood staining the white material. It was_everywhere_. "HELP! HELP!" She called desperately, her eyes wide as she opened the girls' shirt.

Yet what met her was monstrous.

There were gashes _everywhere_ – as if a dagger had torn her skin. Blood seeped out of every wound, crying to be attended too yet Lily could do nothing. _I don't know what to do, _she thought desperately, trying to thing of a spell that could quell the effects. She was supposed to be a witch, and yet she couldn't do anything.

"HELP!?" She called again, desperate as she began to apply pressure to the wounds. _She's loosing too much blood_, Lily thought frantically as she began to scream for help. "HELP!? PLEASE, HELP!?"

The sound of footsteps, and the scuffle of shoes against the stone soothed Lily's cries, and soon enough they were surrounded. Lily slumped as Professor McGonagall took in the scene, her eyes narrowed as she looked over the fallen second year. "Oh, my- what has happened here?"

Lily got out of the way as McGonagall began to perform the healing spells, and as the sound of more teachers coming echoed through the halls, Lily looked down at her bloody hands.

Halloween had a monopoly on unfortunate events.

But this was just the start.

**II**

"Did you hear-"

"It was Lily Evans who found her-"

"Apparently she's never going to-"

"I don't know what you expected, Kelly-"

"-I just don't know who would do this to a _second _year? I mean, she's not got much of a chance, does she?"

The sound of broken gossip, and clipped conversations echoed through the Great Hall; seventh years giggling, and first years gaping. Gossip, and rumors, and stories recanted, those in the Hall immersed themselves within the culture that they knew so well; gossip, rumors, and scandal. Usually, not many paid attention to the gossip that floated from House to House, person to person, but today was different.

Today, Lily Evans was the center of the gossip.

Apparently, the Gryffindor prefect had found Delilah Twine, a second year Hufflepuff, bloodied and battered in the hall the night prior. So mutilated, some had claimed, that the small second year had to be transferred to St Mungo's due to permanent disfiguration. Others refuted such claims, saying that the girl had been taken from Hogwarts by her parents and was going to attend Beauxbatons.

Despite these claims, and the rumors that were circulating, many were focused on Lily Evans version of events; ready to get the story right from the source rather than the distorted, second hand version. So, many waited for the bright red headed sixth year to enter the Great Hall on that November morning – ready to ask her the questions that everyone needed the answers to.

Yet she never came.

"Lily, you have to go down, you can't just hide in here the whole year!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "If there's a will, there's a way."

Marlene sighed. "But Lily, you know what people are going to say-"

"Marlene, I don't care," Lily snapped, her eyes narrowing as she turned to look at the blonde. "Why can't you just go down without me?"

Marlene McKinnon was a girl of determination; that was, at least, what many people knew her as. She got her way, and that was just how it was. She was_determined _at every goal she set, and she wasn't one to just let something go. A fault at times, Marlene will admit, but she was proud of her brute stubbornness. It had gotten her many things.

She sighed, pushing her blonde hair over her shoulder as she looked to her friend. "Lily, we have to go down there – you can't avoid it forever, or it will just get worse."

"I'm not _avoiding_-"

Marlene scoffed. "That is such bloody bullshit, Lily, and you know it."

Lily pursed her lips. "I don't-"

Marlene shook her head, wrapping her hand around Lily's arm as she yanked her up from the bed. "C'mon, then, lets go get some breakfast."

Lily sighed, not bothering to fight anymore. She was tired, and she knew, after six years of sharing the same dorm, that there was no arguing with Marlene. Dragging her feet along the ground, Lily avoided the stares and gapes of most of her peers as they passed; focusing on the interesting cracks in the stone floor rather than the questioning stares of those surrounding her. Marlene didn't ask questions, or bagger her for answers about what had happened the night prior. She knew not to. Lily was thankful, in that moment, to have a friend like Marlene – someone who knew when to be quiet, and when to talk. It was comforting, and it gave her a small amount of comfort.

Lily felt nervousness roll over her as they descended down the stairs, and towards the Hall. Marlene stayed besides her, making a comment every now and again as they continued towards the Hall.

"Oi Evans!"

_Oh, Merlin,_ Lily thought as she heard her name being screeched, _why can't I just be left alone?_

"Just ignore him, Lils," Marlene murmured as they continued towards the Hall.

"Evans!"

Marlene glanced over her shoulder, and shook her head as she saw the familiar faces she sought to avoid. "Keep walking, Lily, it's just Mulciber."

Lily rolled her eyes. "What does he want? I can't imagine he has any time to spare in between eating puppies and destroying the dreams of toddlers."

Marlene snorted out her laughter. "Oh, believe me, I think he has more than enough spare time on his hands seeing as he barely passed his OWLs."

"Is he still following?" Lily murmured, cocking a brow.

Marlene nodded, before she sighed, turning around in aggravation. "What do you want, Mulciber?"

He grinned at the sight of the blonde sixth year, exposing his yellowing teeth. "Ah, McKinnon, haven't seen you in a few weeks. Still a blood traitor?"

"Yes," Marlene sneered, her eyes narrowing. "Still a nutter?"

"Oh, McKinnon, that really hurt," Mulciber cried, before his face dissolved into annoyance as his eyes fell onto Lily. "Mudblood, care to share what happened with the Hufflepuff yesterday? Apparently there was blood _everywhere_."

"I didn't peg you for such a gossip, Mulciber," Lily snapped, her eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms while her cheeks flushed at the sound of the vicious word. It ripped through the air, and robbed her of her breath; the volatility of it acting as a dagger as he aimed it at her. She had been called the name too many times to recollect, yet it never seemed to lose it's meaning. "Now piss off, and leave us alone."

"You kill me, Evans, you truly do," Mulciber sighed, before he grinned, "Just like you killed '_Sev'. _You know, he's awfully lost without his little mudblood toy._"_

Lily pursed her lips, and Marlene narrowed her eyes as she whipped her wand out – pointing it at Mulcibers forehead. "If I were you, Mulciber, I would sod off. Now go on before I hex you up your Dark Lords arse. I'm sure you'll just _love _it up there."

"You _dare_ speak of the Dark Lord-"

"She speaks of Voldemort," Lily spat, interrupting the Slytherin. "He's no Lord."

Mulciber snarled. "I'm sure he'd just love to exterminate _filth_ like you – a magic-less Muggle. Do you know what they said, Evans, about last night? They said you couldn't even cast a simple healing spell-"

Mulcibers words were cut off by a strangled scream as Mulciber was hit with a stinging hex. Marlene's eyes widened as she saw Mulciber thrown back, and his face engorge as it reacted to the volatile spell. She looked to her own wand, shocked before she turned to Lily – who was trying to control her breathing as her arm shook. Her wand was pointed where Mulciber had stood mere moments prior, and her face was flushed with a mixture of infuriation and anger.

"How's that for magic?" Lily sneered, her hand tightening around her wand as she looked down at the Slytherin as he moaned.

"Lily!" Marlene exclaimed, torn between wanting to embrace her friend and wanting to hit her. "Lily, we have to get him to the hospital wing-"

"It'll go down soon enough," Lily said in dismissal, ignoring the gnawing feeling of shame that crawled over her. _I shouldn't have done that, _she thought as she stared at Mulcibers moaning form, _Merlin, I shouldn't have done that. _"He'll be fine, I'm sure-"

"Miss Evans!"

The sharp sound of Professor McGonagall's voice rang through the sixth years ears, and both Gryffindor's turned to their Head of House. "What," She started, her voice venomous, "is going on here?"

"Mulciber-"

"Mr Mulciber needs medical attention," Professor McGonagall hissed, her eyes narrowing. "Who was it that cast the jinx?"

"Professor, Lily was just-"

"I did it, Professor," Lily cut her friend off, stepping forward.

Professor McGonagall narrowed her eyes. "Well, then, Miss Evans, follow me. Miss McKinnon, escort Mr Mulciber to the hospital wing before you get to class."

Closing the door to Professor McGonagall's office, Lily felt the Professor's eyes on her as she took a seat in front of the desk, her eyes downcast. Lily wasn't ashamed of what she had done, although she knew it breached school rules. No one had the right to call her those things – to claim that she was a Muggle. She was a witch. _I am a witch, _she told herself, _and_ _I have every right to be here._

"Miss Evans, a stinging jinx is not something that should be used as an attack on the arrogant. Mr Mulciber, I'm sure, will not forget such frivolous use of such a dangerous jinx. It is an utterly careless use of magic, Miss Evans, and I am severely disappointed in your foolishness."

She took a breath, before she looked to the crestfallen sixth year. "However, his use of words were crass and hurtful, Miss Evans, and I do not blame you for your lack of care and control. But, still, punishment must be given."

Lily nodded, before Professor McGonagall opened a tin – offering it to Lily. "Take a biscuit, girl, Merlin knows you need it."

"Professor-"

"I will deal with Mr Mulciber personally," Professor McGonagall stated sharply, nodding to herself. "I'm sure Professor Slughorn will be most disappointed with his students use of such ludicrous language, and, Miss Evans, you have lost yourself fifty points on behalf of your house for such childish cruelty and a month of Friday detentions."

Lily bit her lip, nodding again as she accepted the punishment before Professor McGonagall let out a sigh as she looked at the sixth years dejected form. "And about yesterday, Evans, you did the best you could. Miss Twine, by the way, is recovering well and I advise you not to listen to any of the gibberish that is gossip at this school."

Lily nodded. "Thank you, Professor."

The Head of Gryffindor pursed her lips, before she motioned to the door. "Now out with you. I have things more important than scolding a sixth year. Off you go now, quickly."

Lily didn't need to be told twice.

**III**

"Where's Evans, Marlene?"

Marlene rolled her eyes at the sight of James Potter at the helm of her desk; cocking a brow as she raised her head. "You know, James, Lily rather hates you calling her by her last name."

He shrugged. "So, where is she?"

"I don't know," Marlene said with a shrug, looking away from her fellow sixth year. "Why do you even care, James? I'm sure she'll be here in a minute so stop getting your knickers in a knot."

"I am not getting my 'knickers in a knot'," He refuted, his eyes narrowed slightly before he grinned. "In fact, my knickers, I'll have you know are perfectly unknotted."

"Knickers?" Black asked, cocking a brow as he sprouted up beside his best mate, causing Marlene to supress a groan as he sent her a grin. "Hey, Niffler."

Marlene narrowed her eyes. "Oh, sod off Black! And would you stop calling me _that _stupid name?"

"Never, darling," He drawled as he smirked. "Not when it represents your lovely spirit _so _well."

"Okay, okay, break it up you two," James began, before he chuckled. "Oh, wait, you guys _have _broken it up. Five times, in fact."

Marlene sighed. "Would you guys leave me alone?"

"Sure, Niffler, but tell me one thing?" Sirius asked, his dark eyes shining as Marlene grumbled a reply. "How many innocent boys have you devoured this term?"

Marlene narrowed her eyes. "Fuck you."

"You already have," He retorted, the grin not leaving his face.

"Don't remind me of disappointing memories," She hissed, and his grin fell slightly as James hooted with laughter.

"Disappointment, eh?" James asked, nudging his best friend. "Padfoot, having troubles in the sack?"

"Shut up, Prongs."

James laughed, before he turned to Marlene, about to open his mouth before the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor made his entrance. "I'm terribly sorry about my lateness- Potter? Black? In your seats, now."

"Yes, Professor," They both grumbled, before Professor Niall Finch came to the front of the class.

A small man, Professor Finch was nevertheless a powerful wizard. His face, withered and drawn with age, and with effects of the war, contorted in slight annoyance as he looked over his disorganized class; students lounging lazily, while others gossiped. The ex-Auror had taken the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor in the hope that there might be some way of preparing the youth for what lay beyond the walls of Hogwarts. For the scars that littered his skin, and plagued his face, acted as proof of the dangers that the older students were to face when they breached adulthood.

Professor Finch cleared his throat as he began to address the class. "Today, we will start with Dementors. Theory work only, before we begin with the-"

"I'm sorry I'm late, Professor," The red headed Gryffindor panted as she closed the door, the flustered prefect going to the front to offer him the note that Professor McGonagall had provided her with.

Scanning over the note, Professor Finch chuckled. "A stinging hex, Miss Evans? Goodness, Mr Mulciber must have done something terribly awful. Ex-boyfriend?"

Lily's face scrunched up in disgust, as did most of the class's. "Urgh, no, Sir."

"Then what happened?" He inquired, his scarred face neutral. "For you to be late to my class, it must have been quite horrendous."

"Sir-"

"Please, Miss Evans, divulge and tell the class what Mr Mulciber did so that we can know why you have shown a lack of respect for this class," Professor Finch said, his voice having a slight edge to it.

Lily sighed. "He called me a mudblood, Sir."

Professor Finch stared at her, the name ringing through his ears, and through the silent class, before he nodded slightly. "Well, good job with the Stinging hex, Miss Evans, you may take a seat. But next time, make sure you disfigure others in your own time."

Lily nodded, before taking her seat next to Marlene who gave her a curious gaze. Lily shook her head, opening her book as the Professor began to talk about the anatomy of Dementors, and their history. As the red headed Gryffindor immersed herself in her textbook, and as the class moved their attention away from the sixth year Gryffindor, one pair of eyes remained on her; watching her carefully.

She had never realised, nor would she, that these hazel eyes watched her; analysing her imperfections and embracing her faults. These hazel eyes watched her with a slight bitterness, yet nevertheless they continued to watch her, as they had for the past five years. Never noticed, and never appreciated, these eyes continued to watch her despite the lack of reciprocation.

But that would all change.

For this year, things would be different, he had decided.

For now, in his sixth year, James would be getting over Lily Evans.

* * *

**So ... I might have a tiny obsession with Jily.**

**Tiny ... Major ... sort of huge obsession.**

**(It's tumblrs fault, I swear)**

**I don't know where it came from, but one day I just ended up writing a Jily fic so this is my attempt and hopefully you like it.**

**And if you, it would be really awesome if you could review once ... or twice ... or you know multiple times.**

**So ...**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**


	3. Red and Black

RED AND BLACK

_"Our swords shall play the orators for us."_

_Christopher Marlowe_

Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter related

* * *

Sirius Black had noticed a difference in his friend.

For the past five years, Sirius had known James Potter to be interested in a variety of things; three of which he was consumed by. Quidditch, trouble, and Lily Evans. As his best friend, Sirius had come to accept those things about him – two of which he was just as interested in. The last, however, had always puzzled the dark featured Gryffindor – a girl with striking red hair, a love for books, and an aptitude for being an utter bitch.

However he had never tried to dissuade his best friend in his interest of Lily Evans – in his mission to get the muggleborn witch to go out with him. Of course, Sirius wouldn't deny that the constant talk of the red head was infuriating, but he could deal with it easily seeing as it kept James occupied. James's infatuation with Evans always seemed to be fuelled by a crush – a crush in which Sirius had assumed would dissipate over time.

Yet after five years of constant badgering, talking, and moaning about Lily Evans, Sirius hadn't expected James to give up … so easily.

"You're just … giving up?"

James shrugged. "I guess."

"You're not serious?" Remus asked, and Sirius had to refrain himself from making a pun.

James nodded. "I guess I just don't care anymore."

"After five years?" Sirius badgered, his eyes wide as they stared at James who was lounging on his bed, flicking through Seeker Weekly. "Mate, that's a fucking long time to be hung up on a bird!"

"And not just any bird!" Peter chirped. "_Lily Evans_!"

"I am aware of who we're talking about, Wormtail," James replied dryly, rolling his eyes.

Sirius shook his head. "Peter's right, James, this is Lily fucking Evans – the girl you wrote a _play _for when you heard she was reading some Muggle romance in fourth year! The girl who you have asked out every week for the past five years! The girl who you changed your hair colour for! Do you remember that, Prongs? You ordered a potion from _Witch flippin' Weekly _and dyed your hair _blonde _because you overheard Evans talking about how she liked that guy from that Muggle band!"

"Yeah, what was it called?" Remus asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to recount the name. "She wouldn't shut up about it for weeks- wait, was it Pink something?"

Sirius shrugged. "Stuffed if I know – all I remember is James's blonde hair."

"Can you not remind me of the blonde hair?" James asked, shaking his head.

Remus laughed. "Mate, you were the one who dyed it that colour. We did _try_ to talk you out of it."

"No you didn't!" James exclaimed, sitting up. "You told me blonde would suit my complexion!

"Actually," Remus stared, a smile settling onto his lips. "Sirius told you that because he thought it would be funny."

"It was, though, wasn't it?" Sirius laughed, cocking a brow as he looked to his friend. "You looked like a right prick!"

"He always looks like that," Peter joked, "It's just this time he had blonde hair."

"Bunch of useless prats, you all are," James grumbled as he leant back on his propped up pillows, "And why do you care so much? It's good that I'm getting over her – maybe we'll be friends."

"Getting over? You're giving up, Prongs!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands up. "It's like you're a bloody Slytherin!"

"Maybe then Evans would like you," Remus added, and James flipped him off. "She seems to be attracted to them!"

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, and maybe if you grew your hair, and never washed it, she might actually give you a chance."

"Lets not remind ourselves of Evan's obvious brain damage," James said with a roll of his eyes. "Plus, she's not even been near Snivellus this term."

"I don't blame her, though," Remus murmured. "He did call her … _that_, didn't he?"

"Fucking prick," James sneered. "Calling her that. She's- she was his only friend and then he goes and calls her that! He's an absolute nutter."

"Obviously," Sirius drawled. "He's a greasy little git, but you know what I heard?"

"What?" Peter asked, curiosity etched on his sharp features. "Not that rumour about him and Moaning Myrtle?"

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Nah, mate, I started that."

"What did you start?" Remus inquired, gazing up from the magazine James had discarded.

Peter grinned. "_Apparently, _Snivellus has been getting … favours from Moaning Myrtle."

James rolled his eyes. "That's impossible, you idiots, she's a ghost."

"Yeah, but it's the best Snivellus is ever gonna get," Sirius said, flashing a smile. "Plus, it was a fun way to start the term."

Remus snorted. "Better than when you nearly killed him?"

Sirius's features darkened. "Moony-"

"I was kidding, Padfoot," Remus said softly, knowing his best friends unwillingness to talk about _that _night.

Sirius sobered for a moment, before he smiled again. "Anyways, back to what I was saying – apparently, our dear Snivellus-"

"_Dear_?"

"God, have you two been having an affair?"

"Don't make me vomit, Padfoot."

Sirius rolled his eyes at his friends interruptions, continuing, "_Apparently _Snivellus – our very own advertisement for shampoo-"

"Ha!" James snorted from the bed, and Sirius threw him a look.

"Can I finish my story or are you prats gonna cut me off each time?" He asked, cocking a brow as his friends smiled.

"Ah, we're just playing, Padfoot."

"Yeah, mate, what did you hear?"

Sirius looked to his friends barely curious faces, before he sighed. "Snivellus is joining the ranks of Voldemort, my friends."

James sat up, all evidence of the playful manner he usually exhibited vanishing from his features. In that moment, James Potter didn't look like the sixteen year old boy that had been consumed by a Quidditch magazine and thoughts of a red headed girl mere moments prior, but a very aware adult, scarred by the war. They had all been touched by the war that had started six years prior; they were raised within the boundaries of the war, and had suffered through every moment.

Although the boys knew that the Slytherin's, namely Snape, weren't model citizens, it still seemed to shock all three Gryffindor's into silence. People they had grown up alongside – people who they had often taunted, or hexed – were joining the ranks of those that tortured, and killed. People they had known as children were now becoming monsters; would now relish in torture and wield death at a flick of their wands.

Of course none were naïve enough to not think that some of the Slytherin's were transitioning to the dark side, and yet to hear the confirmation was something of an anomaly. It was expected, but they were still shocked into silence. To think that those that they shared classes with were going to be the ones they fought against was something that none of the boys could really comprehend at that moment.

"Where did you hear this?" James finally asked, his voice coarse as he looked at his best friend.

Sirius ruffled his hair. "Word gets around."

"Bullshit, Sirius," Remus swore, shaking his head, "Not … this. This isn't just some stupid rumour."

"No," Sirius agreed, "My dear old brother likes to brag."

"Regulus … is he …?" Peter began, gobsmacked.

Sirius shook his head, a grimace becoming of his features, "Nah, he's not like that. I mean, he is, you know, Slytherin and all but … I don't know. He's not. I know he's not."

"Why didn't you tell me?" James inquired, his eyebrows furrowing before he sat up further. "No, wait, why didn't you tell Dumbledore?"

"And tell him what, Prongs?" Sirius asked, cocking a brow, "That Snape is a death eater?"

"Well, yeah-"

"C'mon, Prongs, you seriously reckon he'll believe the kid who tried to kill Snape?" Sirius spat, shaking his head. "He wouldn't believe a word out of my mouth."

"But this … this is huge, Sirius," James started. "If Snape is a death eater, we've got to report him- can you imagine what he's already done?"

They were silent for a moment, remembering the deaths that had occurred over the summer before Peter shook his head. "I … I don't reckon it's true."

"What?" Sirius asked, his face contorting in confusion as he looked to the shorter boy. "Why not?"

"Well, wouldn't Dumbledore already know?" He asked, cocking a brow. "It's not like the mans daft."

"Just old," Sirius mused humourlessly. "I … I know Snape's a death eater. I can just- I just know it."

Remus sighed. "It's not like Regulus to lie, though, is it?"

Sirius cast him a dark look. "Regulus is a wanker, yes, but he wouldn't lie about this … like I said, he likes to brag."

"That's sick," James said, cringing. "Bragging about that? Fucking twisted."

Sirius shrugged. "It's what they do."

James shook his head. "Doesn't make it any less disgusting."

Remus sighed. "We can't do anything about the Snape thing, though."

"Why?" James asked sharply. "Snape deserves fucking Azkaban if he's with Voldemort."

Remus narrowed his eyes. "We have no proof, other than Regulus's word. And that's just so reliable, isn't it?"

"I'm with Moony," Peter murmured, shaking his head. "No point in trying to do anything until we have proof."

"Well, we'll just have to get it then," Sirius said, nodding. "Shouldn't be too hard."

**II**

"Hey, Lily!"

Lily looked up sharply, offering a faint smile to the oncoming girl. "Hey, Mary."

Mary MacDonald was a plain girl, with dainty brown hair and bright brown eyes. They were warm, and always held a friendliness that was missing in so many others; which allowed for the forgettable Gryffindor to be memorable. Although Mary was not a memorable girl in all extents and purposes, she was still friends with almost all of the Gryffindor House – having an aptitude for calming situations with her warm attitude.

Lily had always liked Mary, and after sharing a dorm with the girl for the past five years, she had come to consider the dainty girl a good friend. Yet they had barely spoken this term – mainly because Mary was immersing herself in her studies to prevent her grades slipping further, while Lily was … not.

Usually the most studious of students, Lily had found herself trapped in a state of daydreams and endless imaginings. Her mind was constantly preoccupied with worries that she shouldn't have, concerns that were, if anything, conceited. Yet she could not disperse herself of said worries – she could not rid herself of the feeling of doom that seemed to have permanently lodged itself in the depths of her chest.

Mary dropped her books on the desk that Lily was occupying, offering her friend an exhausted smile as she dropped onto the bench. "Merlin, I think I'm about to die of exhaustion, honestly, I'm so tired."

"Flitwick working you too hard?" Lily questioned, knowing that Mary was focusing on Charms as it was her best subject.

Mary nodded. "You have no idea."

Lily glanced down at her own pile of books, and parchment, cocking a brow. "Oh, I think I might."

Mary flushed. "Right, sorry."

Lily rolled her eyes, laughing weakly. "It's fine, Mary, I'm just in a foul mood, as usual."

"It's not Potter again, is it?" Mary asked, cocking a brow.

Lily scoffed. "No, surprisingly not – he's seemed to back off as of late. I suppose he's got something big planned to get me to go out with him, and figured he'd lay off for a bit."

Although it may sound conceited to some, to be able to assume so freely that she was fancied by her peer, both Lily and Mary shared a laugh over the comment. For they both knew of the attempts – painful at times – of James Potters in order to get the red headed muggleborn to go out with him. Both expected nothing else from James this year, and they were, in fact, seemingly surprised that he hadn't already made a declaration of his love in one form or another.

"Yeah, I was wondering about that," Mary started. "Seeing as there was no lavish proposal in the Great Hall, or any requests written in levitating rose's, I was beginning to think he may have died and an imposter had taken his place."

"Maybe he's _finally _got the message," Lily mumbled, not believing the words herself.

Mary scoffed. "Doubt it. I seem to remember he dyed his hair blonde for yo-"

Lily groaned. "God, don't remind me."

Lily sighed, before she glanced to a small badge fixed on Mary's robes. "Good Godric, what is _that_?"

Mary looked down to the animated badge, before flushing, tucking it further into her robes. "It's … nothing."

Lily laughed. "Oh, C'mon, what is it? You can't just flash it at me and ex-"

"I did _not _flash it at you," Mary cut her off, shaking her head before she revealed the badge again. Lily leant forward, to get a better look only to see the initials W.A.M.

"W.A.M?" Lily questioned, her eyebrows furrowed.

Mary flushed. "Witches against the Ministry."

Lily leant back in her chair, puzzled before she looked to Mary. "Wait, what? Against the Ministry?"

Mary bit her lip. "Rosalind forced me to wear it."

Lily's mind went to Rosalind Emery, or Rose as she preferred to be called. The Gryffindor sixth year which shared Lily's dorm was infuriating, to say the least, and Lily almost always tried to avoid every encounter with her. Despite having known Rose for nearly six years now, Lily had never warmed to the girl who seemed to harness every radical view there was without being tainted by her pureblood roots. It seemed that despite her lack of pureblood superiority, Rosalind still held considered radical views on practically every subject – from the treatment of women, to marriage laws.

"Forced?" Lily mumbled. "Wouldn't shock me if she used the Imperius curse."

Mary sighed. "She's not _that _bad. She's actually quite nice once you get over … the other stuff."

Lily laughed. "She's an absolute loony, Mary, do you remember what she did to Marlene last year?"

"Well it wasn't like Marlene didn't … provoke her," Mary put forward with shrug. "She didn't mean to send her to the Hospital Wing-"

"She made her go bald!" Lily exclaimed, to the disapproval of the Librarian, Madam Hickens. Lily leant forward as she stared at Lily with a subdued anger, at the memories of what Rose had done to her best friend. "Not to mention the hives! Marlene was in the hospital wing for a week!"

Mary sighed. "I know, I know, but she does regret it but you know how she is-"

"A right bitch," Lily interrupted, shaking her head at the thought of her. "That's what she is, and she's always been that way. I don't even know why you bother with her, Mary."

"Because she's my friend," Mary said quietly. "She really is a nice person. She's just … odd."

"Or psychotic," Lily murmured under her breath, before she pursed her lips. "So what's W.A.M. about?"

"The Ministries oppression of women's rights," Mary explained, "Do you know they still haven't repealed those ghastly marriage laws? So if you were to say get married tomorrow your husband would legally own everything of yours, irrespective of whether or not you wanted him too! It's ridiculous, and that's why so many girls are traded like cattle – especially the purebloods."

"Good thing we're not purebloods," Lily replied simply, rolling her eyes. "Because it would be oh so awful to have to live in a Manor and be waited on hand and foot-"

"Lily," Mary started, her tone revealing some of her annoyance. "Rose just wants to help all witches. You know, she's had a pretty hard time-"

"She's a _pureblood_," Lily replied in a clipped manner. "What trouble could she possibly have at a time when those that aren't pure are dying left and right?"

Mary pursed her lips, her eyes downcast. "I guess you read about the murders, then?"

"How can you be so calm?" Lily hissed, her eyebrows furrowing as she looked to the fellow muggleborn. "All muggleborn families, Mary, with students at Hogwarts. Don't you-"

"I'm not gonna think about it," Mary said simply. "Out of sight, out of mind."

"You can't just ignore this, Mary," Lily scoffed, shaking her head. "Our families are in the path of danger-"

"Lily," Mary interrupted, her brown her eyes shining. "Stop worrying. Nothing will happen."

"I'm sure that's what Jane McCormack's family said," Lily spat, leaning back in her chair as Mary sighed.

"It is awful," She murmured. "And I'm not naïve. I know what's going to happen, but I figure I can't do much more than I'm doing. Unless I make my family go into hiding, and that's _unlikely_."

Lily bit her lip. "Hiding's not an option now, is it?"

"Hidings always an option," Mary replied as she flicked her brunette hair behind her, her eyes meeting Lily's. "But those that hide are always found. Eventually."

Lily sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I guess."

"Lily, you should really think about joining W.A.M," Mary exclaimed after a moment of silence, smiling. "It'll get your mind off of this other stuff."

"W.A.M?" Lily asked, incredulously. "Seriously? Really?"

"It's not that bad," Mary said with a shrug, "We get cake on Tuesdays."

Lily looked to Mary, before she laughed. "Cake? That's what you're trying to bribe me with?"

Mary grinned. "It is pretty good."

Lily smiled, about to open her mouth before Marlene ran through the Library – her eyes wide as she searched the tables for her friends. After spotting the red hair of her friend, the lean Gryffindor sprinted over to the table, trying to ignore the surging of her stomach as she grabbed Lily's arm, ripping her away from whatever she was about to say.

"Marlene?" Lily asked, confused.

Marlene looked to her best friend, pained. "Lily, something's happened – you need to come with me to McGonagall's office."

Lily's eyebrows furrowed as a feeling of dread settled in her stomach, nearly collapsing against the table as the images of her parents bodies flashed through her mind. "My … my parents, are they okay?"

Confusion coated Marlene's features, before she realised why her friend had paled. "Oh, no, Lily they're fine, they're fine, I promise."

"Then what is it?" Lily asked as she regained control of her spiralling emotions.

Marlene bit her lip, "There's been another attack."

**III**

"What did she ask you about?"

Lily shrugged as she came out of McGonagall's office, feeling a slight wariness pass over her as she remembered the meeting. _Strange_, she thought as she trudged down the hall with both of her friends trailing behind her. The words of McGonagall rang through her mind; the sight of the Headmaster standing behind Lily's head of House causing something of a stir within her.

She didn't know what to say, or what to think; they had been simple questions. _How did you come to find Miss Twine? Was Miss Twine conscious when you found her? Did Miss Twine say anything to you? Is there any reason you did not join the Halloween feast? _

The sound of McGonagall's sharp voice echoed through her mind – the constant feeling of Professor Dumbledores eyes on her causing an unsettling anticipation to built within her. Although she felt completely at ease with the charming Headmaster present, she still wondered why he was there, listening to simple questions without even asking any questions himself.

It was all so strange.

So, _so _strange.

"Did she need you to talk about Delilah?" Mary asked, her brown eyes muddled with confusion.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

Lily listened to them bicker slightly, before she resigned herself to her thoughts once more. Why had she found the Twine girl? Why was a second year attacked in such a vicious manner? Surely Death Eaters couldn't be working within the school – under the protection of Dumbledore himself.

_Another attack, _she thought as they continued down the hall. No one had told her who it was, nor did she want to know. She just wanted to focus on … other things. Yet it seemed despite her resolution to focus on her studies, or on _anything _else was failing her. All she could think of was her family; and the death eaters that would kill them. But the attacks called her attention – begged her to think of them.

She didn't know why anyone would want to attack a second year, let alone attack someone else. Were their Death Eaters within Hogwarts?

Was Hogwarts in danger?

Hogwarts, a place that she had always thought as impenetrable, couldn't be in danger. Not with Dumbledore as Headmaster. Surely not, she thought, as she continued down the hall, ignoring Marlene and Mary as they threw questions at her, as if she was supposed to know answers. She knew nothing, in truth, save for what she had seen that night. That was all she knew; all she could remember. The blood. The second year.

They came to the Fat Lady's portrait within minutes, and Lily glanced up as Marlene supplied the password – Jelly Slugs – before they moved into the scarlet and gold Common room. Lily moved to go up the stairs, quick to avoid the questions that would be shot at her in attempts to know more about the attacks.

Yet she was too slow.

Dorcas Meadowes, in the year above, bounced over to her with her eyes alight with curiosity. "Lily! Did you her about the second attack?"

"Yes," Lily said with a sigh. "Yeah, I did hear about it."

"Apparently it was some Hufflepuff first year this time," She told Lily, "Completely deranged, supposedly, when they found her she tried to kill one of the prefects. Screaming, and all."

Lily ran a hand through her hair, exhausted. "I- who was it?"

"Kelly MacDonald," Dorcas said, "Little Hufflepuff, blonde hair, freckles."

Lily nodded, half listening as she tried to find a way to get out of it. "Well, that's awful."

"Do you think the attacks are related?" Dorcas asked, a slight fear coming over her face.

Lily shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?"

"Well," Dorcas started, "didn't you find the other girl? Delilah?"

Lily nodded, exhausted. "Yeah, but I don't know anything. I just found her that way."

"But-"

"Meadowes, piss off," Sirius Black interrupted, his dark eyes burning. "Obviously she doesn't want to talk about it."

Dorcas narrowed her eyes. "Fuck off, Black, I can talk to whoever I wan-"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Seriously, piss off and let her go up to her room. That's where she was headed."

Lily looked to Sirius in confusion.

Lily Evans knew Sirius Black as one thing; trouble. He was always off with his friends – destroying something. He was, in every sense, as barking mad as Potter. And he was always the one to fuel the fire of drama. _Always. _In the five years that Lily had known Sirius Black, she had never known the pure-blooded rebel to diffuse situations, or take other peoples feelings into consideration.

Had Potter sent him? Had this been Potters doing? Lily almost chastised herself for her instant blaming of James Potter – he hadn't even _attempted _to annoy her this year. He hadn't even … tried. Lily felt herself suddenly stuck by the realisation that James Potter, for the first time in five years, had stopped badgering her to date him. That James Potter, the boy whose infatuation infuriated her, was no longer so infatuated.

She thought of James Potter, in that moment. Unruly hair, and a cheek, crooked smile. Those hazel eyes that were imprisoned by a pair of glasses that he only just started wearing. James Potter was a pain. He was insufferable, he was arrogant, and he lived for laughter. Above all else, James Potter was a boy who didn't know how to stop.

But he had.

He had stopped.

Lily pursed her lips as she looked to Sirius, giving a slight nod. "Thank you, Black."

He smirked, before turning around. "Don't mention it, Red."

* * *

**Thoughts? Was it terrible? Are they completely out of character?**

**And what the hell is with these attacks? **

**Who knows? **

**Well, I do ... **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**


	4. Smoking and Punches

SMOKING AND PUNCHES

_"Purity of heart is to will one thing."_

_Soren Kierkegaard_

Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter related

* * *

"Okay, okay, calm down, calm down- now, I want pairs and no, you do not get to choose- No, Sirius Black and James Potter, you are not being in a pair-"

"Oh, C'mon Sir, you can't separate what's meant to be-"

"-we're your best students!"

Professor Finch narrowed his eyes, separating them with a wave of his wand. "No. Black, you're with McKinnon, Potter, you're with Emery. Like I was saying, I realise most of you will not able to get a corporeal form of Patronus however the Headmaster believes you will all learn from this experience. Now into your pairs."

James Potter threw his hands up at the thought of going with the Gryffindor radical. "Sir, please, can I go with someone else?"

"Why, Potter, scared a girls going to beat you?" A voice called from the crowd, a lonely figure pushing herself forward to where he stood. With a devilish smirk, wide blue eyes, and gleaming pins pressed to the breast of her robes, Rosalind Emery stood before him. The sight of Rosalind Emery was, if anything, surprising; but, of course, Rosalind Emery had a knack for surprising people. "Because it will happen, whether you like it or not. And Potter, don't flatter yourself – _I_ am the best in this class."

James narrowed his eyes. "Don't remind me, Emery, I'm still sure you blackmailed them into giving you those O's," He told her. "I'm also pretty sure you dropped your knickers and opened your legs to get those."

"And the distinctions," Rose reminded him, flashing James a bright smile as she didn't deny James's accusations. While most girls would take offense, Rose took amusement. "Don't forget those distinctions."

"Oh, I never will," James drawled, "Not with you reminding me."

Rose smirked. "I guess I'll _always _be here to remind you then."

James looked over his partner as they were dispersed throughout the room after being given their instructions – the procuration of a Patronus needing strict dictation before anyone began. Rosalind Emery was a pretty girl, if you liked that sort of thing. Dark black curls, soft features, and striking eyes always met you when your eyes found the pure-blooded protestor.

As James looked at the girl that was both infuriating and intriguing, from her pursed lips to the pins that littered her robes, all of which were advertising something called … W.A.M. "What's W.A.M?"

Rose looked down to her pins, smirking. "Witches Against the Ministry."

"Oh, god," James groaned. "You're one of those girls?"

"The Ministry's an oppressor," Rose spat. "And they still discriminate against women – it's honestly barbaric! I mean, this is the 1970s, for god's sakes, and what do they think witches are? Breathing coat hangers!?"

"They're not that bad," James began, only to see a fury alight Rose's features.

"'Not that bad'?" Rose quoted, cocking a brow as she crossed her arms across her chest. "They still have marriage laws that dictate that witches, upon marrying, can be sold like possessions! Oh, but they're 'not that bad'," She exclaimed, imitating James's low voice as she rolled her eyes, "You're a bloody idiot, Potter."

James smirked. "Obviously."

"Now, get into your pairs and start with the incantations," Professor Finch called, clapping his hands. "I want you all to know that I have no expectations of _anyone _being able to conjure a corporal Patronus, so please do not fret if you are unable to."

Rose rolled her eyes as she looked to James, smirking. "Five galleons that I'll be able to conjure a Patronus today."

James scoffed. "I'm not even taking that bet because I'm not an idiot."

"Oh, Potter, I wouldn't label you an idiot," Rose drawled, "A thick plonker, yes, but not an idiot."

"You called me an idiot a few seconds ago!" He exclaimed in disbelief.

Rose flashed him a smile. "I like to be unpredictable."

"It's called psychotic," James mumbled, before he got out his wand. "Okay, lets do this."

"Sure," Rose murmured, nodding as she took out her own wand.

As a smile spread across her face, and she circled her wand, a white mist spilled from the tip – taking shape in the form of a four-legged animal. James felt his mouth go agape as the Patronus looked at him – a dog – with its tongue hanging from its mouth as it began to run through the classroom; ducking through peoples legs and eliciting gasps from the other sixth years in the class.

A giggle escaped Rose's lips as she watched the Patronus, continuing her circles as the corporeal form became more prominent. James didn't know whether to sulk, or gape. It was … amazing. She was amazing. But, of course, Rose Emery knew that.

Clapping his hands together in shock, Professor Finch beamed. "Wonderful, dear, absolutely wonderful- amazing, completely- amazing!"

Rose grinned, her concentration waning causing the Patronus to fade as applause wrapped around her. Rose turned to James, flashing him a bright smile that was filled with her cocky triumph. "You owe me five Galleons, Potter."

"I didn't take the bet!" He exclaimed.

She shrugged. "You still owe me five Galleons, and I charge interest, so don't keep me waiting."

"She's so strange," Peter said to James after the class had ended, while Remus shook his head, smiling widely.

"Nah, she's bloody amazing!" He exclaimed, "I mean, did you see that Patronus?"

"Mate, she's a pureblood, obviously she's gonna know how to conjure a Patronus," Sirius informed his friend. "The Emery's are a bunch of Aurors, anyways, so of course she knows how to conjure one."

"Sirius, mate, I know you hate the girl, but you can't deny that was absolutely amazing," Remus supplied. "I mean, most can't even get it to Corporeal form. And you and James are pureblood, and you guys can't conjure for shit."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "She's not _that _great."

Peter snorted. "Okay, yeah, I'd like to see you do it."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Sod off, Pete."

"You're just jealous," Teased Remus. "Jealous that Raving Rosie can conjure a Patronus and you can't?"

"Raving Rosie?" Someone said from behind them, the familiar voice spike with amusement. They turned, to see the topic of discussion standing in front of them – her pins flashing and her eyes bright. "When did you come up with that, Lupin, first year?"

"Eh, sorry-"

Rose shrugged as she pushed past them, her smile remaining on her lips. "No problem, mate, I think it's great – might have to put it on my tombstone."

"Do you often thing about what's going to be put on your tombstone?" Sirius asked, narrowing his eyes.

Rose smirked. "Ah, Black, are Mummy and Daddy still psychotic nutters?"

"Of course," Sirius replied with a small smile. "Are yours still pissing off the purists?"

Rose grinned. "Of course – the parentals always know how to make waves."

"I would expect so," He told her, "when they've got a daughter that goes around with her tits out."

Rose sighed, the smile not leaving her lips. "I was making a statement, Black, and if I remember correctly, you seemed to like it."

"How could I not?" He asked, smiling. "They're top notch tits."

She grinned. "Ah, a man after my own heart – you're going to make me blush."

"Wait," James started, "When did you get your tits out?"

"Blacks Christmas Ball," Rose smiled. "Your Mum lost her shit – went absolute crazy."

"Why did you get your tits out?" Peter asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

Rose smirked. "It was a statement – you see, the Minister for Magic was in attendance, as was blood Crouch, who signed off on those fucking laws on witches bodies-"

"What laws?" Peter asked.

Remus sighed. "You know, the laws that prohibit Witches from aborting pregnancies."

"Wait, so why did you go topless then?"

"Because," Rose drawled, "I wanted them to know just how little control they have over my body."

"It is barbaric," Remus added, earning him a smile from the pure-blooded Gryffindor.

"Nice to know some men have brains," Rose commented with a smile. "Anyways, I'll see you lot later – I've got, you know, important stuff to do, people to see, tits to flash."

Remus chuckled. "I'll come with you if you're flashing your tits."

Rose flashed a smile. "I always knew I liked you, Lupin. You know, you should come to Hogsmeade with me – maybe you'll see my tits then."

"Are you asking me out?" He asked, shock coating his features.

Rose grinned. "Yep, and I'm gonna leave before you tell me no – I'll meet you at The Three Broomsticks at 10. And don't be late, Lupin, I've got a W.A.M. meeting in the afternoon."

The boys watched, half in shock and half in amazement, as she practically skipped away, her black curls bouncing behind her. James grinned as he clapped Remus on the shoulder, his smile so bright that it could blind others. "Seems like Moony's got himself a date."

"I can't- No- she can't- No-" Remus cut himself off, ripping himself away from his friends as he stormed off.

Sirius sighed as he looked after his friend, shaking his head. "I don't know why he does it to himself."

"I wish he didn't," James murmured, "you know, push everyone away because of his furry little problem. But hey, at least our Moony's got himself a date."

"Even if it is with Raving Rosie," Peter supplied with a grin, before he looked to Sirius. "So, how good were her tits?"

Sirius smirked, his mind going back to Christmas. "I can understand why she shows them off."

James rolled his eyes. "Guys, stop gossiping about Moony's girlfriend-"

Sirius scoffed. "Girlfriend? She's forcing him to go out with him!"

"Yeah, but a little force never hurt."

**II**

"How the _hell _can Raving Rosie conjure a Patronus and I can't?"

Lily shrugged. "I dunno."

Marlene screeched as she tried the wand movement again, before throwing her hands up in frustration. "Ah, I can't _fucking _do it!"

"Mar, _none _of us can," Mary supplied. "Rose knows how to do that stuff seeing as her parents are Aurors."

"So were mine!" Marlene almost screamed. "So were mine, but you don't see me being amazing at Defence! Or _any _other subject, for that matter."

"Marlene," Lily started, "don't say that. You're amazing at what you do."

"No Outstandings," Marlene moaned, collapsing onto the grass. "Only Acceptables! It's bloody pathetic!"

"Marlene, just cause you didn't do well in the OWLS doesn't mean you're not-"

"It doesn't mean I'm good, though, does it?" Marlene grumbled as she chucked her wand away from her. "I'm honestly so over school already, and the terms barely begun."

"Ah, well, it's Christmas soon," Mary said wistfully as she squinted against the sun. "Are you guys staying at Hogwarts this Christmas?"

"Marlene is," Lily answered with a shrug, "but I dunno about me. Probably not."

Mary sighed. "I'm staying here. Mum doesn't want me to come home … she doesn't want to be targeted, I don't think."

Lily's head snapped up. "You think your family's going to be targeted with you there?"

"No, no," Mary was quick to say. "Mum just … she's paranoid, Lily, that's all."

Lily sighed, leaning back into the grass as she sighed. "I don't know what I'm going to do about all this."

"About the killings?" Marlene asked.

"It's a bloody mess," Lily vented. "I mean, how do they expect us to keep our families safe?"

Mary sighed, rubbing Lily's back softly before Marlene cleared her throat. "It'll be fine, Lily. It always is."

"The McCormack's weren't fine," Lily mused. "I'm just- I'm so tired."

Mary smiled sympathetically, looking to her friend before she looked out over the lake. "You know, my Mum is still upset that the Beatles broke up."

The girls looked at her, and broke into laughter. "You sure know how to change conversation, Mary."

Mary flashed a smile. "Well, it is one of my many talents."

"What's some of your other talents?" A deep voice asked, and Mary's head snapped up to the sight of James Potter descending the hill.

Mary smiled. "Wouldn't you like to know, James?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "If you don't have any fags, Potter, piss off."

"Good thing I'm always prepared," He said as he threw a packet of cigarettes at the frustrated blonde.

Marlene cocked a brow as she held up the whole packet. "How did you manage to smuggle it in?"

James threw his head back, rich laughter coming from the deepest depths of his chest. "McKinnon, have you forgotten who you're talking to?"

"She's obviously blinded by our devilish good looks," Sirius added as he leant against the tree, a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. His dark hair framed his face, shadowing his aristocratic features to make him resemble an enigmatic vessel of perfection. His hands came to run themselves through the dark, wavy tresses that came to his chin before he wrapped his fingers around the small cigarette – parting it from his lips to allow billows of smoke to leave his lips.

James smiled, his crooked grin allowing his whole face to light as he looked to his friends. His hazel eyes were bright behind his glasses, hiding unspoken truths and internal musings, while his hands ruffled his already messy hair. Unruly, his hair was just as arrogant as he was; curled in places and stuck up in others. Yet despite James's constant fixation with trying to tidy it, the hair never did seem to improve. In that moment, as James lit a smoke and inhaled the wisps of tainted air, his jaw locking as he exhaled, he looked the picture of imperfect beauty.

"Oh, fuck off, Black," Marlene sneered, to the laughter or Mary and James.

Sirius threw her a grin. "Oh, you do love me, don't you, Niffler?"

"Stop. Calling. Me. That."

"Niffler?" Mary asked, her eyebrows furrowing. "Like the creature?"

Sirius nodded. "Yep – Nifflers like shiny objects, as does McKinnon, if I remember correctly."

Marlene narrowed her eyes. "You're such a toerag, Black."

"Stealing insults from Red, now?" Sirius asked, cocking a brow. "'Toerag' was, of course, her favourite name for James."

Lily glowered. "Black, shut it."

"Oh, don't be mean, Evans," James started, his voice causing her head to snap up as it met her ears.

Lily didn't know why she so startled to hear the sound of her name leaving James's lips. She had, of course, heard it thousands of times prior, all of which were usually followed by a request that she would promptly deny. Yet the sound of her name on his lips caused her to startle, a surprise lulling over her as she met James's warm, hazel eyes.

"I'm not," She said weakly, running a hand through her hair. "I-"

"Look what we have here, boys, two mudbloods and a few blood traitors. We've hit the jackpot," Avery drawled as he came over the hill, twirling his wand in between his fingers.

James stood, his eyes narrowing at the sight of the Slytherin. "What do you want, Avery?"

"Nothing, nothing," Avery started, a smile spreading across his lips. "But I would _love _to hear about what little Lily Evans knows about Delilah Twine? Hm?"

Lily pushed herself off of the ground, her hand wrapping itself around her wand as she looked to Avery, and his dogs. "I'm sure you know more than I do about it, Avery. I'm sure you and your Voldemort loving friends bloody did it."

Avery's face contorted into a fury as he stepped forward, his eyes narrowed. "How dare _you, _a mere muggle, insult the Dark Lord by speaking his name."

James stepped forward, his eyes narrowed as he became consumed by his anger. He strode over to where Avery stood, his hand gripping his wand as he stood beside Lily; an anger burning within him that seemed to consume every thought. "_Fuck off_, Avery," He spat. "Before I make you as ugly as your fucking Messiah."

"Oh, I forgot Potter had such a love for filth," Avery unleashed, his snarl unforgiving as his eyes raked over the Gryffindor pair. "Just like his father – filthy little blood traitor, isn't he? Married that pig you call a mother – a disgrace to purebloods, she is."

James tightened his hand on his wand, raising it to face Avery. "Don't you dare say a word about my mother."

"Why?" Avery taunted. "Mummy's not here? Although she won't be for much longer – the Dark Lord doesn't appreciate blood traitors."

James held back, his face contorting in fury as Sirius came to stand beside him. _Don't hit him, James, _he told himself, _hold back._ James had never been one to hold himself back, yet he was determined to keep himself composed. He wouldn't get Lily in trouble – wouldn't get others in trouble for his lack of control. He needed to be different; needed to show that he wasn't like the impulsive, self absorbed boy that he had been for the past five years.

"My mother would rather die a blood traitor than live as a purist death eater," James hissed, his words venomous. "She's more honourable than you'll ever be."

"I'm sure she's so proud, then, isn't she?" Avery asked, cocking a brow as his dark eyes rested on Lily. "That she bred a son that loves a magic-less, worthless mudblood."

That was all it took.

James lunged forward, every filament of control leaving him as his clenched fist connected with Avery's face. No incantation was spoken; no hex thrown. Instead, a Muggle form of fighting took down Avery. One simple punch, and the Death Eater in every but the name slammed into the ground, with James Potter towering over the sixth year Slytherin with an visceral fury etched onto his features.

"Don't you **_ever_ **speak about Lily Evans like that again," He snarled, his words poisonous as he pointed his wand to the Slytherin. "For her magic is purer that yours will _ever _be."

And with that, James hexed Avery into an oblivion.

**III**

"Punching Mr Avery, and then blowing up his head to twice the size is _not _an appropriate form of resolution, Potter."

James flashed McGonagall a smile. "But Professor, I'm advocating for conflict resolution! You should be proud!"

Professor McGonagall's lips thinned into a barely visible line. "Potter, your disrespect astounds me."

"Thank you, Professor."

Professor McGonagalls lip twitched before she turned around, whisking her quill out of it's hold as she sat down in her towering chair. Pushing her shoulders back, the Transfiguration Professor seemed most intimidating as she dipped the quill into the ink, smoothing out the parchment as she began to transcribe the offences committed by the unruly Gryffindor that had, over the past five years, become rather familiar with her office.

James watched the familiar seen with barely any interest – knowing what his punishment would entail. His hand throb as it rested in his lap, his knuckles reddened and scraped from the punch. Although James was known for getting into many fights, he never threw punches and had never felt the need to. Yet the way Avery had said _those _words – the way he had leered at Lily – had caused James to become consumed by his hatred of the sixth year Slytherin.

James felt a fire burn within the depths of his chest as he thought back to Avery, and the words that he had practically spat at Lily. _Mudblood_, James thought with distain, shaking his head. Lily was not a mudblood – Lily was amazing. With awe James thought of the red headed witch in which he spent years infatuated with; a witch whom he was still completely and utterly consumed by.

Lily was beauty; she was kindness, and strength. She was proud, and yet she never bragged. She was everything that was _pure _about this world, and yet some dared call her mudblooded? Dared tell her she was of dirty blood? How could they not see how pure she was – how could they not see the purity in the way she snorted when she laughed, or the way her lips twitched when she tried to supress a smile? How could they ignore those little things that made her pure?

James would never understand; _could _never understand how those that believed they were pure thought Lily Evans to be an impurity. For the rest of his life, he would never be able to understand how the girl with red hair, who was _warmth_, could be considered impure, while those that emulated darkness were pure. He wondered how they could judge someone without daring to know them; wondered how they could label her based on the blood that ran through her veins.

For the rest of his days, James Potter would wonder about Lily Evans.

For Lily Evans would consume his thoughts for the rest of his days.

That much James was sure of.

"Does a month worth of detentions suit you, Potter?" Professor McGonagall inquired, cocking a brow.

"Sounds good to me, Professor," James supplied, ruffling his hair. "Obviously you enjoy my presence, seeing as you're always keeping me in detention."

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips. "Believe me, Potter, I would rather not be wasting every Friday night with your company."

James smiled. "It's okay, Professor, you don't _have _to admit it if you feel uncomfortable."

"Potter-"

"Can I go now?" James asked, cocking a brow.

Professor McGonagall sighed, motioning to the door. "Of course, Potter, but a letter will be sent out to your parents-"

James cut her off, laughing. "Professor, I know the drill – I am familiar with how this stuff works."

"Oh, off with you," Professor McGonagall finally said, exasperated as she threw her hands up. "And no more hexing the Slytherin's! You sixth years are sending me into an early retirement!"

James laughed again, before leaving the room to an empty hall. He sighed, making his way to the Gryffindor Tower as he felt a heaviness in his step as the smile vanished from his face. James Potter, in that instant, transformed from the carefree boy that he was known as, to the troubled man who he would become known as.

Itching for a smoke, James ducked out into the courtyard as he rummaged through his robes before extracting the packet – quickly lighting the cigarette as he left the courtyard and went onto the grounds that overlooked the sprawling, Scotland landscape that Hogwarts was nestled in. The skies, a dull grey, caused a shadow to fall over the greenery that Scotland provided and James sighed as he looked up to the skies – inhaling the smoke that rotted his lungs.

He wallowed, just for a moment, in his thoughts; delving into them as he felt a heaviness fall onto his chest. Everything was so frustrating – so difficult. So confusing. He had wanted to be different this year – had resolved to himself, at the start of Summer, that he would at least attempt to adopt some maturity. He had _tried _to pretend that he didn't care about the one thing he had been infatuated with for the past five years; he had, with every ounce of control that resided within him, tried to leave the thoughts of her behind.

Lily Evans.

The girl who tormented his every thought.

Lily, the girl who knew more magic than him. Lily, the girl with the beautiful eyes. Lily, the girl with words that could cripple a grown man. Lily; a girl of hidden truths, and unspoken riddles.

James had never considered his infatuation with Lily Evans to be anything other than what it was; a crush. With every ounce of himself he wished that he did not fancy Lily Evans – wished that whenever she came near him, he didn't say something completely idiotic or behave in such a ridiculous way. He knew that he did, despite himself, and he watched as it fuelled her annoyance. He _hated _that it made him into this childish wanker who couldn't even control his own words.

He knew how much she must hate him – knew what she must think of him. He had heard it enough, of course – she had, on many occasions, called him an 'arrogant toerag'. Hearing those words, come from her lips, always hurt; always reminded him of his brutish ways. He had just wanted to _impress _her – just wanted to hear her warm words directed at him, rather than someone else.

"James?"

The sound of his name being called by a voice that was to his ears as honey was to his lips caused James's head to snap up. His name, wrapped in her voice with such warm, yet such hesitation, caused James's smoke to drop onto the ground; wasted as it burned into nothing. There she stood; her ivory skin contrast against her dark school robes. With flushed cheeks that mirrored the colour of her scarlet hair, James gazed into her wide, almond shaped eyes – those emerald orbs staring at him with a nervousness that he had never seen, or anticipated.

What a sight she was as she stood in front of him; nervous, beautiful, and confident against the green backdrop. Her auburn hair was called to by the wind – whipping against her face yet her eyes never left him. Never had she looked so completely, and utterly beautiful; never had she looked so warm. For James Potter, in that moment, the sight of Lily Evans robbed him of his breath.

And he was sure she would continue to do that for the rest of his days.

He was sure of it.

"Lily!" He exclaimed, finally finding his voice. He said her name with such surprise, such anticipation; such ebullient effervescence wrapping around her name as it left his now numb lips.

She stared at him, unsure of what to make of his reaction to the sight of her. He was so excited, so … enthusiastic, that it rendered the red haired Gryffindor speechless. _Why is he like that_, she thought as she stared at him with a confusion falling over her, _he's never this excited about anything_. She felt her cheeks flush further as she looked away from his unwavering stare, unnerved by it all as she wondered if this was the best idea.

"I- I came to thank you," She said, the words stumbling from her lips.

She had never imagined herself thanking James Potter, and yet here she was – standing in front of him – giving a pathetic thank you. She didn't know why she was so nervous; she had known the prat for long enough to have no anxiousness over seeing him. And yet as she stood there, her eyes transfixed on the burning cigarette that was slowly being eaten by it's lit end, she wondered why she was so nervous.

Maybe it was because he had stood up for her.

Lily thought back to their encounter with Avery, wondering why he would do that – for _her,_ nonetheless. He had punched Avery – fought with Avery without his wand – for _her. _She knew that he had a crush; she had worked it out after having to deny his request for every Hogsmeade trip. Yet she had just assumed that it wasn't anything serious; that he was attempting to date her to get a laugh from his friends.

For that was all James Potter concerned himself with, it seemed. All he focused on was eliciting laughs from his friends – gaining the approval of his peers at _any _cost. He was a bully, at times, and an arrogant arse all of time. And yet despite this, he had defended her against Avery; he had lost his temper at a insult to her, rather than to the insult of his parents.

Why?

_He fancies me, _she thought, her cheeks burning brighter at the thought.

"About what?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

What could she possibly be thanking him for? He had gotten her in trouble, he was sure; had gotten her more detentions. Shouldn't he be apologising to her?

Lily looked at him as if it was obvious, shaking her head slightly at his confusion, "About defending me against Avery. About sticking up for me when he called me … that."

Shock coated James's features as he looked to Lily, his chest deflating as if he had been punched. He took a step forward, to Lily's chagrin, as he looked at his fellow Gryffindor with a sensitivity that was unlike him. "Lily, you don't have to thank me- you're- who ever told you that you need to thank someone for doing what's right? Avery was being an absolute prick, Lily- he- he called you _that_ name," He spat, anger consuming him as he continued, "That name is disgusting, and he can't … he can't call you that, Lily."

Lily stood, shocked at his words as she shook her head. "But … but you didn't- why didn't you punch him when he insulted your parents?"

"Because nothing he can say about me will hurt me," James said simply, shrugging. "But he can't speak about you like that – I won't let him."

Lily didn't know what to say – whether to thank him, or accuse him of being an imposter. Surely this was not James Potter – the boy who antagonised those that disagreed with him and played pranks on those that didn't deserve the humiliation. Surely this was not the boy that had made it his _mission _to illicit her annoyance for the past five years; surely this was not James Potter.

But it was.

And for the first time, but certainly not the last, James Potter made Lily Evans smile.

"You called me Lily," She said, her voice quiet as she stared at him.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Well, that is your name, isn't it? Or have you, Evans, been concealing your true identity for the past five years? Are you really Voldemort in disguise?"

Lily snorted with laughter. "Yeah, because Voldemort really needs to dress up in a bra and knickers and infiltrate the girls dormitories."

"Hey, it's a possibility," James supplied, laughing as his chest warmed at the sight of Lily's smile. Suddenly, he sobered and stepped forward again – looking at her with a determination that he had been void of before. "Lily?"

"Yes?" She asked, sighing as she realised this was the moment that he had been waiting for her – he was going to ask her out, once more, and ruin whatever semblance of a friendly acquaintance they had developed.

"Don't ever think you can be defined by your blood," He told her, his hazel eyes burning with conviction, "You're so much more than what _they_ label you."

Lily stood there, shocked. "I-"

"I just- I just wanted you to know that I don't believe any of that shit," He told her, shaking his head as his jaw locked. "That purist bullshit – it means _nothing_."

"I know," She told him, her hands coming to her necklace as she fidgeted. "I know that."

"Okay," He murmured, taking a step back again as he grabbed another fag. Lighting it, he inhaled the toxic smoke before he turned to Lily, offering her one. "Fag?"

She shook her head. "Apparently that stuff can kill you. Well, that's what the Muggle Doctors say."

He looked at the cigarette he was holding, before he exhaled a billow of smoke. "I know. But I figure this won't be the thing that kills me."

"Oh?" Lily asked, cocking a brow. "What makes you so sure?"

James chuckled. "The war."

Lily's features darkened. "You plan on dying in it?"

"I don't plan on dying, Evans," James informed her with a smile, "but what happens in the war is beyond me."

"I bet you five galleons that you'll live to see the end of the war," Lily said, smiling quaintly.

James cocked a brow. "Didn't pick you for a gambler, Evans. Is this a problem we need to discuss?"

She rolled her eyes. "I think if we have any problems to discuss, it's Sirius Blacks fascination with you."

"We're in love," He told her. "Don't tell anyone, though."

Lily laughed, easily becoming lost in the light-hearted conversation only to remind herself that this was James Potter that she was talking to; James Potter, the boy who she had hated for so long. And yet it was easy – their words flowed like water down a stream, fluid and continuous. No snappy remarks, or venomous filled retorts; nothing of the sorts in which they were so used to.

For the first time, James Potter and Lily Evans were having a civil conversation.

And it was … nice.

"Can we be friends, Evans?" James asked, cocking a brow.

Lily hid a smile. "Maybe, Potter."

James smiled as he looked over to Lily, and although they said nothing, it was their beginning. For this was what they would remember, in the years to come. They would remember the stolen glances, and the trepidation filled smiles. They would remember what it felt to stand beside each other, their bodies barely touching, hazel meeting green. They would remember their start; a time when smoke filled the air, angst filled them, and a simplest smile could confuse.

They would remember this – this time of confusion and wariness. For one day, not to far from now, there would be no more confusion, or wariness, but only warmth. The future was a fickle thing, yet the heart was not ignorant to what it wants. But James Potter and Lily Evans knew only now; tomorrow seeming so far away when hazel met green.

For now, though, they would focus on their beginning.

They would be friends.

* * *

**Awe, they're going to be friends. **

**Who actually believes that will work out? **

**Not me. **

**Thoughts?**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**


	5. A time for pain

A TIME FOR PAIN

_"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."_

_Khalil Gibran_

Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter related

* * *

"Oi, Lily!"

Lily turned, smiling as she saw Remus jogging up to her – his face slightly flustered as he ran towards her. "Hey Remu-"

"Hide me," He pleaded, ducking behind her confused form.

"Wait, what?"

"Just hide me, Lily, _please_," Remus begged as he hid behind a pillar, to the laughter of the red headed prefect.

"Remus, what are you-"

"Oi, Evans!"

Lily turned to see a brunette running towards her – her raven curls dishevelled and piled atop her head in the messiest of fashions. Lily instantly recognised her, and she had to stop herself from groaning at the sight of her dorm mate. "Hiya, Rose."

"Have you seen Remus at all?" Rose inquired, her cheeks flushed as looked at Lily. "I don- he just sort of ran off."

"Ran off?" Lily asked, her eyebrows furrowing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean he just _ran off_," Rose replied, her tone sharp as she narrowed her eyes, "You see, we were meant to go on a date, this Saturday, but- but he just ran off after telling me that he couldn't go with _me_."

"Oh," Lily said, quite pathetically.

Rose bit her lip, her expression softening as she rubbed her arms. "Are you sure- you're sure you haven't seen him?"

"Yeah," Lily told her, "haven't seen him since Dinner."

Rose nodded, looking lost as she offered Lily a slight smile. "Well, okay than. I'll see you later."

"Okay," Lily accepted, watching as the raven haired Gryffindor turn back to where she came from. As soon as she was gone, Lily ripped herself around the pillar – her eyes narrowing as she stared at a sheepish looking Remus. "What the _bloody hell _was that?"

Remus rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, sorry, I mean- I just- I dunno."

"Remus," Lily asked, her voice soft. "Remus, she looked really hurt, I mean, for Raving Rosie, that is."

"I didn't mean to hurt her," He told Lily honestly. "I really- I- did she really look hurt?"

"Remus, she looked absolutely shattered."

Remus sighed, shaking his head as he thought of her. The pretty raven-haired radical who forced herself onto people, whether they liked it or not. He had known Rose for a long time – had watched as she gradually got more crazier as the years went on. Yet Remus liked her craziness, or her sanity if that's what it really was. He liked her determination, and her blunt nature, despite the fact that it at often times came across as rude.

He liked her.

But that was the problem.

He truly didn't want to hurt her feelings – didn't want to hurt her. But he couldn't be with her; not when he was what he was. He was dangerous – _too_ dangerous. He could hurt her – could rip her ivory skin into shreds and cause unimaginable damage. He was dangerous to her, and he wouldn't do that to someone like her; someone who, despite all their faults, was still a good person.

"I didn't mean to make her feel that way," He mumbled.

Lily smiled softly. "I'm sure you didn't, Remus. We never do mean to hurt our friends."

"She's not my … friend," He told her, shaking his head. "She's … something else."

"Something else?" Lily inquired, cocking a brow. "Are you trying to tell me that Remus Lupin fancies someone?"

"I don't fancy her," He shot down quickly, before Lily smiled.

"I'll keep your secret for you, Remus."

Remus shook his head. "I don't-"

"Remus," Lily murmured, cutting him off as a coy smile spread across her lips. "I was just kidding."

He shook his head. "You're evil, Lily."

"You're right," She said with a laugh, "I am evil - ready to start patrol, then?"

Remus nodded, looking around the dark hall as they began to walk – their normal route seeming mundane as they walked, not disturbed in their musings. Although Lily had always considered Remus a friend, they had not spent much time together over the past five years. Mainly due to the fact that Remus surrounded himself with the arrogance that was James Potter and Sirius Black, and yet now, she could see that maybe Remus's kind nature had rubbed off on the two boys.

She almost snorted at the thought.

It had been a few days since she had thanked James Potter – a few days since he had proposed that they try friendship. At the time, she had been a bit too stunned to think of a witty retort or remind him of the reasons why she _didn't _want to be his friend, so she had offered him what she could.

A 'maybe'.

Looking back, Lily knew how pathetic it was. _Pathetic, and stupid, and idiotic_, she thought as they patrolled the dark halls – the sight of the now dark skies outside causing a shadow to fall over the aged school. She didn't know why she was suddenly so concerned with what James Potter thought of her, seeing as how she had never concerned herself with his opinions before.

And yet now, after five years of calling him _every _possible insult she knew, she had accepted his proposal of friendship. Had she forgotten all the times he mercilessly bullied Sev-_others_? Had she forgotten all the times that he had exhibited his arrogant fuelled cruelty just so he could illicit a laugh from his friends, or from those that surrounded him. For that was all he truly wanted – a laugh.

_But maybe he has changed, _she told herself, before she shook her head. That's definitely _not _an option, she thought. How could someone change so silently? How could someone's character completely, and irrevocably become altered over a span of a few months. Lily was not ignorant, nor was she naive enough to believe that James Potter was anything like the boy that she had talked to outside the courtyard on that cold, winters day; when the smoke wafted through the air, and smiles were exchanged.

"So, Lily, any blokes you fancy?" Remus asked, brining Lily out of her musings.

Lily smiled, nudging Remus. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know?"

"I would," Remus informed her with a laugh, "but I doubt you're going to actually tell me."

"You'll just tell Potter," Lily said, his surname leaving her lips out of habit.

Remus grinned. "You know, James is under the impression you two are friends now."

Lily laughed. "I think I remember he also used to have the impression girls menstruation cycles were like werewolf cycles!"

Remus paled, ever so slightly, before he smiled. "Yeah, I remember that."

"Bloody idiot he is," Lily murmured, before she looked to Remus. "Do you think he's changed, Remus?"

"How?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

She looked away, shrugging as she murmured, "Just in the way he … acts."

"Do _you _think he's changed?" Remus asked, wondering what his friend had done now to convince Lily Evans that he had changed. _It must have been something huge_, he thought as they continued down the hall, Remus wondering why James would get himself in this situation. Again.

She shrugged. "I dunno. Potters as confusing to me as decency is to him"

Remus chuckled. "You know, he's not _that _bad."

"I know," Lily murmured, looking up to Remus with a small smile. "He did defend me against Avery. I- that was really sweet of him."

Remus smiled. "Well, he would do that for anyone, Lils – James's hates that purist shit."

"I know," She informed him, smiling sombrely as she ran a hand through her hair before she looked to him suddenly. "How has your family been, Remus? Is your Mum still sick?"

Remus cleared his throat. "Urgh, sort of."

"I'm sorry," Lily murmured. "How are your parents doing with the, urgh, the war and stuff? I know your Mums Muggle."

Remus nodded. "They're fine, like always – Mum keeps on insisting that no death eater will ruin her gardens, but, yeah, they're okay."

Lily smiled slightly, nodding. "My Mum and Dad are oblivious, basically. But I still worry for them, obviously, but whenever I bring it up, you know, the war, bloody hell, you should hear Petunia waffle on about how dangerous my presence is to the, Merlin, what did she call it? Oh, that's right, 'sanctity of the Evans household'."

Remus chuckled. "Your sister sounds like a tosser."

"She's an absolute loony," Lily said with a laugh, "Completely and utterly nutz."

Remus grinned. "Well, that wouldn't be the first time-"

"Remus, who is that?" Lily inquired as she saw a small figure huddled in a corner – their robes draped around them and covering their face.

Remus extracted his wand, lighting its tip with a quick '_lumos_' before he moved forward to where the figure sat. Lily followed, her own wand at the ready, as they towered over the small figure. "Are you okay?" Lily asked, and felt a strange sense of Déjà vu pass over her – a bitter taste forming in her mouth.

"You're out after curfew," Remus stated, his voice firm and unwavering, "Excuse me, you need to come with us-"

The child's head snapped up, his eyes clouded by a diluted mist. Only a first year, Lily noted, from the sight of his cherub cheeks and the child like features in which he was endowed. Yet his innocence had been … tainted. Somehow, through some ethereal force, his innocence, in which all children are allowed, was gone from his young face – no naivety, or purity found on his young face.

That was gone.

But something else remained.

"What-" Lily began, and yet she was cut off, the kid lunging at Remus with his wand in hand.

It all happened too quickly; disarmed, and thrown back, Remus looked up at the child, shocked. A first year had disarmed him, without even muttering the incantation._ How could this happen_, he thought in a panic before he felt a curse hit him square in the chest. The pain, _oh god_, the pain. Pain consumed every part of him in a way that robbed him of his breath; suffocating every organ, and every cell in it's dark grasp.

He wanted to die. Wanted to rip himself apart. But he didn't have to worry about that, for he _was_ being ripped apart; his flesh being torn, and his mind shredded. He knew pain – more than any ordinary sixteen year old should, but this was not like that. He felt as if his whole body had become vulnerable to the attacks of thousands of different curses; burning, twisting, and stabbing his flesh. He didn't know what to do, what to think. So he did the only thing he was capable of doing; he screamed.

He screamed against the pain.

He screamed for relief.

He screamed, and screamed, and screamed.

_What's happening to me? _

"REMUS?" Lily screamed, watching as Remus crumbled on the floor.

She didn't know what was happening – was he being tortured? He screams echoed through the hall, his body thrashing against the stone floor as pain seemed to tighten its hold on him. She looked up to the first year in a panic, only to see his eyes focused on Remus's thrashing from with a slight eeriness. Without a hesitation, or a second thought, Lily aimed her wand at his chest, _needing _to stop his screams. "Stupefy!"

The spell seemed to falter – flinging the first year back but not as far as she had intended. It was weak, and it barely kept the first year down. However it provided a distraction, his concentration lapsing and Remus's screams dissolving into now quiet whimpers. Lily knelt beside him in a fit of shocked sobs, her hands shaking violently as she watched his body contract in pain; his muscles spasming in response to the curse. Lily had never seen anything like it – had never witnessed something so horrific.

Her head snapped up as she watched the first year lift his head, her stunner barely affecting him. She spared him no mercy as she lifted her wand again, ignoring her shaking hand as she cried, "Petrificus Totalus!"

He froze, immediately, and Lily felt her body sag against Remus's as she draped her arm around him. "Remus, Remus you need to get up."

"I-" He broke off, his face contorting as he was completely overcome again.

Lily shook her head, trying to control her cries as she pulled Remus up. "It's okay, Remus, it's- you're going to be fine."

**II**

"Will Remus be okay?"

Professor Dumbledore nodded, looking at the crestfallen girl that sat in front of him. "Yes, Miss Evans, he will be fine-"

"I've never seen anything like that, Professor," Lily murmured, her eyes fixed on her shaking hands. "He was- he was in so, so much pain."

Professor Dumbledore sighed. "I know it is difficult, Miss Evans, but Lupin will be fine now – he's safe, and there's nothing a good nights sleep won't fix."

Lily wasn't so sure.

She hadn't realised that such pain had been possible. She hadn't realised that the body could handle such pain; such crippling, and all consuming pain. The image of Remus thrashing against the stone floor circulated through her mind again, and again, and again. She wondered when it would stop; when his cries would leave her ears, and the sight of his poisoned body would depart from her consciousness.

She had heard of the Cruciatus curse. Of course she had, in a time such as this, when the use of it was in the papers every day, and reported on the Wireless. The Deathwatch – which reported nightly of those that had been killed - was always something in which reported on cases of the Cruciatus curse. She had learnt of the unimaginable pain in which those that experienced the Cruciatus curse felt, yet she had never imagined _that_.

Torture.

Remus had been tortured.

By a _first year_.

"Professor, what- how- how could that first year have done that?" Lily asked, her voice quivering as she tried to comprehend it all. "It was- it was one of the _unforgivables, _Professor, I mean, that can't be possible."

"It is very possible." Professor Dumbledore said with a grimace. "When one is under the Imperius curse."

"No!" Lily exclaimed, shaking her head, "No, that can't be possible."

"It is very possible, Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore murmured, shaking his head. "We live in a dark world, Miss Evans, one which is controlled by fear. People do desperate things when afraid."

"A first year, though?" Lily cried. "Professor, who would want to curse a first year?"

Professor Dumbledore looked at the red headed Gryffindor that sat before him; his bright blue eyes shining behind his half-moon shaped glasses. He folded his hands in front of him, leaning forward slightly at the sight of the girls shaking hands. The Headmaster of Hogwarts was said to be a powerful wizard, if not the most powerful; one in which was renowned for his abilities in the art of wielding magic. And yet as Lily Evans sat before him, she felt as if she was in the presence of a kind relative, rather than her Headmaster.

"A very misled individual," Dumbledore murmured, his voice soothing. "Unfortunately, it appears we have a lot of those in our world."

Lily breathed a laugh, "Oh, yes, Professor, we have _many_."

The ancient Headmaster smiled, before he, with a wave of his wand, produced a tin of Lemon drops. Offering it to the distraught sixth year, Professor Dumbledore sat back in his chair with a small smile as she took one. "I hear sugar is best at soothing the hearts troubles, Miss Evans. Unfortunately for us, our heart troubles mean we are also becoming increasingly fatter," Professor Dumbledore stated, a coy smile spreading across his lips. "Do you have many troubles of the heart?"

Lily bit her lip. "I wouldn't call them troubles of the heart."

"Any trouble is a trouble of the heart, Miss Evans," Dumbledore replied smoothly. "Our hearts are the root of our beings, are they not?"

"Unfortunately," Lily murmured, before she sighed. "Sir? Who- who could have put a first year under the Imperius curse?"

The Headmaster smiled slightly, taking a Lemon drop for himself. "I fear, Miss Evans, that most would tell you that it is for me to know, and you to find out."

Lily chuckled. "Sorry, Sir."

"I do not take any offense, of course," He informed her. "I was rather inquisitive at your age, although I will admit I got into quite the amount of trouble. I even managed to discover and promptly disrupt a dragons nest once, but that's another story for another time."

"Oh," Lily murmured, running a hand through her hair. "Can I see Remus, Professor?"

"No," He said, cocking his head to the side slightly. "No, Mr Lupin needs to recuperate without any distractions. Hopefully he shall be all better by the morning."

"I'm not too sure about that," Lily whispered, her mind going back to his face – he was in _so _much pain that recovery seemed unlikely.

The Headmaster offered a sympathetic smile as he leant forward slightly. "Miss Evans, you will be surprised by how much the human spirit can endure. It is within our nature to survive against the pain life inflicts upon us. Remus Lupin was, unfortunately, exposed to one of the most ruthless of curses, but I can promise you that he will recover, as will you. We never truly forget the pain, but we will always recover. Remus will be fine."

"Okay," She replied, her trust in the Headmaster prevailing as she met his bright eyes. "Shall I go back to my dormitory now?"

"I would hope so, unless you have somewhere else to be," The Headmaster chirped, his tone joyous. "Now off you go! I believe I have stolen you from your sleep for too long!"

"Goodnight, Professor," Lily said quietly as she moved out of the room.

Professor Dumbledore offered a small smile. "Goodnight, Miss Evans."

Lily left the Headmasters offices, the images of the attack on her friend still consuming her as she made her way back to her dorm – her home in this Castle. She had never felt so alienated from the place that had been her refuge for the past five years; a place where she learnt what it was to be a witch, and where she had become Lily Evans. Never had she felt so completely lost in this place – a place where she was supposed to belong.

And yet she couldn't even cast a simple stunning spell.

After five years of telling herself, _convincing _herself, that she belonged to the world of magic, Lily was beginning to wonder if she was right. Five years of study – of vigorous training, and meticulous perfecting – and Lily was still unable to cast a stunning spell; was still unable to defend herself. Unlike others, like James or Remus or Rose, Lily froze when under attack – the magic that she wielded being weak, and driven by fear, rather than power.

Despite her convictions, Lily felt completely and utterly inferior in that moment. They had learnt stunning spells the year prior in Defence, and most seemed to have little trouble with casting it. At the time, Lily had just passed her weak stunners off as being the result of exhaustion. OWLs had caused Lily unparalleled stress that seemed to consume every faucet of her life, so she had just assumed that her magic had been affected, like her sleep had.

But Lily could see now that her weak spells were not due to stress, or exams, but were caused by the faults in her abilities.

_Maybe I am inferior, _she thought to herself as she supplied the Fat Lady with the password, before climbing through the portrait hole. No one was awake, which she was grateful for – not needing anyone to see her red eyes or tear stained face. She couldn't answer any questions now – could not sit through the barrage of never ending questions that would be viciously unforgiving. She couldn't do it now; not when all that she could see was Remus's pain.

She knew there would be questions in the morning, but for now, she would remain ignorant to it. She would forget about what would come in the morning, and ignore the anxiety that came with it. She would just focus on tonight; focus on trying to forget the sight of Remus's hand reaching for her, in desperation, while he writhed on the floor. She would try to forget the images that haunted her, but Lily was sure that those images would never truly leave her.

They would be in her dreams, or nagging at the threads of her consciousness. They would always be there – ready for a moment of vulnerability so they could overpower her once more. His pain would always be imprinted in the filaments of her memories; her weakness accompanying it.

Closing the door to her dormitory quietly, Lily sighed as she came to her bed. In the bed next to her, Marlene slept undisturbed – her pretty face drawn with sleep while Mary's duvet was discarded to the floor, despite the cold temperatures. Emmeline Vance, a quiet girl, slept in the bed next to Mary while Rosalind occupied the bed at the end.

Lily didn't know what she was doing, yet she stopped in front of Rose's bed – Remus's screams echoing through her mind while the sight of Rose's easy conjured Patronus overwhelmed her. Rose was good at defence. Rose was the best, or that's at least what she said. Yet Lily didn't doubt Rose's words, for she had seen how easy the defensive spells came to her.

_Is it because she's pure, _Lily asked herself, her head cocking the side as she analysed the sleeping pureblood. _No_, she thought as she remembered the poor spell work by some of the purebloods in her year. Maybe it was just _her, _then. Maybe she was just not good at defensive magic; unable to wield the one thing in which was supposed to be _natural _to her as a witch.

She looked at Rose, and without a second thought, gave her a slight shove. Rose awoke abruptly, the fog of sleep still heavy on her as a string of incoherent profanities escaped her. Shaking off the drowsiness and trying to blink away her blurred vision, Rose felt confusion flood her as she saw the familiar figure of the red headed Gryffindor in which shared her dorm.

"Lily?" She asked, her voice coarse with sleep.

Lily instantly regretted waking her up.

Although she wouldn't say she was on bad terms with the pure-blooded Gryffindor, Lily had never liked Rose. She didn't like her arrogance, or her large ego; didn't like the way she forced her views on others, or her insufferable need to be right. She hated Rose's blunt, and rude nature – never quite understanding how someone could be so unapologetically honest, irrespective of whether it hurt others.

They had never gotten along, and Lily knew that Rose didn't like her. Although that caused Lily little to no offense, considering Rose didn't like the majority of things in society. However despite their obvious dislike for one another, Lily needed Rose's help – needed her aid in order to improve her defensive magic. She _needed _Rose to help her, for she feared she would never improve if she ignored her weakness.

"What time is it?" Rose asked, her voice still groggy. "It's not- fuck, it's not the morning is it?"

Lily shook her head. "No, no, of course not."

"Then why the fuck did you wake me up?" She demanded, her tone sharp and unforgiving.

Lily sighed, internally slapping herself forever waking her up. "I need your help."

"About what?" Rose asked as she sat up, her face etched with concern. "Are you okay?"

Lily felt taken aback by the girls obvious concern, shaking her head frantically at the out of character statement. "No, no, I need a favour."

"Well, what is it?" Rose inquired, stumbling slightly over her words.

"I need you to tutor me in Defence," She said quickly, her words slurring in a rush to get them out of her mouth.

Rose stared at her as if she was insane, before she narrowed her eyes. "Are you fucking serious?"

"I- yes," Lily said, shocked by her crass tone.

Rose groaned, collapsing back into the pillows. "Couldn't that have waited until the morning?"

"Urgh, I suppose so," Lily murmured, biting her lip, "Sorry."

"Fine," Rose spat, pulling her blankets over her once more.

Lilys eyebrows furrowed. "Is that 'fine you'll do it' or …?"

"Yes, I'll do it," Rose snapped, "Now let me fucking sleep."

Lily felt a smile spread onto her lips, before she nodded. "Okay, thanks, Rose."

"Yeah, yeah, fuck off."

* * *

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	6. A Fox in Hogwarts

CHAPTER FIVE

A FOX IN HOGWARTS

_"Passion is momentary; love is enduring."_

_John Wooden_

Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns everything Harry Potter related

* * *

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry!"

Lily Evans felt a blush pour onto her cheeks as her body slammed into someone else, the sound of their apologies ringing through her ears as she was helped up. She looked at the person who had ran into her, a ghost of a smile spreading over her lips as she saw Andrew Fox standing there with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Andrew!"

Andrew was the Head Boy; a Ravenclaw who always seemed to have a smile on fixed on his handsome face. Tall, with locks of golden hair that was always perfectly kept, Andrew was one of Hogwarts finest specimen – being Captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team whilst maintaining pristine grades. Although Lily had never salvaged a friendship with the friendly Ravenclaw, they had always managed a friendly acquaintance over the years they had attended school.

Andrew smiled at her, the dimples in his cheeks protruding as his warm brown eyes stared down at her; analysing her petite form. Lily felt her face redden suddenly under his scrutinizing eye, sure that she now resembled the colour of her hair rather than her usual pale pallor. That, of course, caused her to flush more at the thought of her face being as red as a tomato.

If he noticed, Andrew didn't say anything, for which Lily was grateful. She didn't have the need for anymore embarrassment in her life, seeing as she had already manage to accumulate enough embarrassment to last her a lifetime while in the same year as James Potter.

"How are you?" He suddenly asked, his smooth voice catching her off guard.

"Oh, I'm fine," She replied, slightly flustered as she managed to pose the same question: "And you?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I'm okay. NEWTs are bloody hard, though."

Lily laughed. "Better you than me."

"I heard about Lupin," He replied with a small, sympathetic smile. "How are you holding up, honestly?"

Lily sighed, running a hand through her hair. She had already responded to the same question over fifty times this morning – the question being shot at her from each and every direction. She had grown annoyed at it after the second question, and had told those that asked her about the night prior to 'sod off'. Yet the question from Andrew's lips sounded different than it had the rest of the times it had been asked; it sounded softer, and more sympathetic, something which she had no grievances over answering.

"I'm fine, honestly," She murmured, ignoring the stares that she got as some first years walked by. "Just a bit tired – last night was, well, it was crazy."

"I can imagine," He murmured, before his expression of pity turned into shock. "Oh, fuck, I shouldn't have really asked you that, should I?"

"Asked me what?"

"About last night," He said, shaking his head as if to berate himself, "as if you'd want to talk about it."

Lily smiled soothingly, her hand coming out to gently lay upon his arm. "It's okay, Andrew, I would have asked the same question if it wasn't me that it happened to."

He grinned. "Well, I am sorry. It was a stupid move."

Lily laughed – feeling as if she was able to breathe for the first time since last night. "Yeah, it was."

"You don't sugar coat things, do you Lily?"

"Apparently not," Lily replied with a smile, before she sighed. "I better be going. I don't want to miss breakfast."

He nodded, yet as she moved to get by him, he grabbed her arm softly. Lily looked back at him, the feel of his gentle fingers wrapped around her arm causing her blush to redden further, to her chagrin. "Lily," He murmured, his voice soft as he stepped towards her. He almost seemed to nervous by the way his brown eyes rested on her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Would you- I know this is- do you want to go to Hogsmeade together this weekend?"

Shock coursed through her as she looked at the Head boy; not knowing if this was a joke of a serious question. Of course she had been asked to Hogsmeade before, _many times _by the same boy, but she had never accepted any of their offers. She had always been perfectly fine with her friends, or by herself, and had never really felt the need to go with a date.

Yet now, as the question hung in the air, she realised that this year, she _did _want a date. "Yes, I mean, sure, of course."

A bright, enraptured smile spread across his face as he looked down at Lily, his happiness practically radiating from him and onto her. "Okay, uhm, cool, awesome – we'll meet at 10 then? In the courtyard?"

Lily nodded, her excitement equally as escalated, "Yeah, I'll see you then."

Lily turned on her heel, an exuberance blossoming within her as she made her way to the Great Hall. All term, she had felt void of something and as she practically danced down the halls of Hogwarts, she felt her whole body warm at the feeling of glee that spread through her at the thought of going on a date with Andrew; Andrew who was so perfect, and so sweet, and so kind.

She almost sighed at the thought of him – feeling an unparalleled urge to squeal rush through her as she entered the Great Hall. She felt a broad, albeit flustered smile overpower her face as she saw Marlene and Mary; her two best friends sitting with their backs to her. She couldn't wait to tell them – couldn't wait to indulge in the gossip, and excitement of adolescent liaisons.

_Stop being so stupid, Lily, _she told herself as she felt herself struggling to contain the urge to combust into dance, _he's just a guy, and you're just a girl. You've been around guys before_. Yet Andrew was _so _different compared to every other guy who occupied her time; was so charming, and gentlemanly, yet subtly handsome in a way that illicit sighs of content to slip from the lips.

She was nearly at the table when she was pulled back, her arm being yanked by something, or, someone. She was dragged out of the Great Hall, and away from her friends, by a boy with messy black hair and hazel eyes.

"Potter!" She exclaimed, her tone sharp, "What the hell are you doing!?"

"What happened to Remus last night?" He demanded, his jaw locking as anger consumed his features.

Lily ripped her hand away from him, her eyes narrowing. "Potter, you can't just do that! That bloody well hurt!"

"Sorry," He apologised through gritted teeth, before launching into his interrogation once more. "What happened to Remus?"

"A first year was under the Imperius curse," Lily hissed, her throat tightening as every ounce of newly acquired excitement evaporated from her as the images from the night prior returned. _So much pain_. "They used the Cruciatus curse."

"Oh, god," James whispered, his gut contracting as if he had been punched. He stepped away from his red headed companion, leaning against the wall as his hands went to his hair.

Lily watched, slightly entranced, as the boy who lived for laughter and mayhem, as he became consumed by concerns and pain filled turmoil. In front of her was not the boy that doubled the head sizes of many, or used hex's against others for the sole purpose of humiliation, but a man who was hurting for his friend; who was worried for his friends wellbeing.

Although Lily Evans had bared witness to many versions of James Potter, she had never met this version; a version which was vulnerable, and sensitive. She had never bared witness to _this _James Potter – a James Potter whose main concerns were his friends, and who shared their pain. A James Potter who didn't resemble his former self – a seriousness about him that made Lily wonder if an imposter was posing as the infamous James Potter that _she _knew.

_Maybe he has changed, _she thought as she watched him regain his composure. "How long was he under the curse?"

"Over a minute-"

"Why didn't _you _do anything!?" He demanded, his hazel eyes flaring as he took a step towards her.

She narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest as she felt anger flare within her. "I did _do _something – I stunned the first year and then-"

"After _one minute_?" He asked, his jaw locking as a fury overpowered his control. "What were you doing? Twiddling your thumbs?"

"No-" Lily began to say, feeling the doubt begin to seep into her consciousness. _What was I doing? _

He cut her off, shaking his head. "You don't even care, do you?"

"Of course I do!" She exclaimed, her own anger surging over her like water bursting from a damn. How could he say that she didn't care? _Of course _she cared! She saw Remus in unimaginable pain; pain that was almost palpable from where she stood. She had _dreamt _of that pain; been consumed by that pain. How could she not care? "Of course I care!"

"It didn't look like it when you were giggling with Fox," He sneered, his face contorting unattractively.

Lily felt a breathy laugh escape her. "That's what this is about? You're jealous?"

He scoffed. "Sod off, Evans, when did you get so conceited?"

"Same time you turned into such a prat," Lily sneered.

"Oh, Evans, I've always been a prat," He retorted, and Lily cocked a brow.

"That's not something to be proud of, _Potter_."

"Why didn't you tell me about Remus last night?" James asked, a slightly accusing tone to his low voice as he towered over her.

Lily didn't cower, or step back, but simply stared up at his tall figure – her eyes meeting his hazel. "Because, surprise surpise, my first thought wasn't 'James Potter'."

"That must be such a difference from your normal cognitive habits, then, huh?" James joked, cocking a brow.

Lily almost screamed. _Almost_. Her hands clenched into fists as James Potter reverted into his old self; his cocky, egotistic, self absorbed self in which she so hated. The man that she had a brief glimpse at moments prior had vanished, and in his place was the boy that Lily had tried so hard to forget – the boy that levitated others for the fun of it. The boy that she completely and utterly _hated_.

"You're only in my thoughts," She sneered, "because you're a pra-"

"Prat?" He guessed, shaking his head. "You're so predictable, Evans."

"Oh, and you're not?" She inquired, "The constant badgering, and showing off isn't predictable?"

James felt taken aback for a moment, at both Lily's boldness and her blunt deliverance of the words. Lily was never like this; never so blunt that she revealed her own thoughts, her inner most emotions, within a sentence. He recovered easily; looking at Lily while a slight feeling of desperation crawled over him – causing his skin to shiver at the familiarity of it all.

He had felt this all before; had felt the desperate need to evoke a laugh from her, or impress her in some way or another. He had no idea where it came from, or why it was there but it was, and he _hated _it. He hated that he couldn't have a civil, friendly conversation with her like Andrew Fox could. Andrew Fox. He almost punched a wall thinking of the Head Boy as images of Lily and him talking spiralled into his consciousness.

He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, and yet he had figured that if they didn't want eavesdroppers, then they wouldn't have been discussing their plans in the middle of the Hall. Yet now he wished that he hadn't listened to their conversation; a feeling of revulsion spiralling in the depths of his stomach as he thought of Lily's bright smile when she accepted Fox's offer to go to Hogsmeade with him.

Not in James's five years of knowing Lily had he ever been rewarded with a smile such as the one she gave Fox. And all he did was offer her some superficial apology that she greedily accepted like all the other girls that Fox had manipulated into becoming his dogs. _Now Lily would be one of them, lapping up his every word, _he thought bitterly as his mind focused on the seventh year Ravenclaw.

James shook his head, trying to shake off the desperation that was crawling over him – begging to be acknowledged – as he ruffled his messy hair. "This friend thing isn't working out."

Lily pursed her lips. "I never said we were friends, Potter."

"Yeah," James murmured, "I forgot you said maybe."

**II**

"He was jealous, obviously."

Mary sighed. "I mean, James shouldn't have been so sharp with you – what was he thinking?"

Lily shrugged as she doodled on her page, the feeling of the warmth from the fire spreading over her as she leant against the couch. "I dunno, but I'm over it."

"Don't take it to heart, Lily," Marlene murmured as she lounged on the couch, sighing, "You know how much his friends mean to him, and he was probably just pissed about what Dumbledore did."

Lily's eyebrows furrowed as she craned her neck to look at Marlene. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you hear?" Marlene asked, shocked at the fact that her friend was oblivious to the information she had come by. "Dumbledore refused them entry this morning. Told them that they weren't welcome because they weren't family."

"Wait, Dumbledore said that?" Mary asked, shocked.

Marlene shook her head. "Nah, just his orders. Apparently Potter was pissed."

"I don't blame him," Mary murmured, "Remus is like his brother."

"Yes, but what did he expect?" Lily asked, still seething over her encounter with James. "He's not family. He's just a friend."

Marlene chuckled, still sucking her sugar quill. "By Salazar you can be a cold bitch, Lils."

Lily cracked a smile. "At least I'm not a tease."

"I take offense to that," Marlene moaned; mock offense seeping into her tone before she sat up, looking down at her friends. "Guys, do you think Frank Longbottom is fit?"

"Frank Longbottom?" Lily asked, peering up from her essay. "The seventh year?"

"Yeah," Marlene nodded with a smile, "don't you think he's fit?"

"Well, yeah, I guess," Mary acknowledged, "but I thought you were dating that Hufflepuff? Gordon?"

"No," Marlene snapped, shaking her head, "Godric, Mary, that was ages ago!"

"Well, sorry for not keeping up with your dating habits," Mary mumbled.

Lily laughed. "You seriously didn't know they broke up? She moaned about it for weeks!"

"I did not _moan_," Marlene snapped, "I simply _remarked_."

Lily snorted. "Oh, sure, and Hippogriffs don't fly."

"Oh, shut up," Marlene sneered, rolling her eyes.

Lily chuckled, about to say something before she felt someone grab a hold of her arm – pulling her up roughly and ripping the words form her lips. She was about to yell at James; about to slap him for manhandling her for the second time today only to see the striking blue eyes of Rosalind Emery – the girl she had practically begged to help her.

"What are you doing!?" Lily exclaimed, her eyes wide.

"You want to learn, right?" Rose asked, quirking a brow as Lily nodded. "Well, then, you're about to learn."

"But-"

"I thought you wanted me to teach you?" Rose inquired, cocking her head to the side as she looked at her red headed peer. "Because I don't have to teach you, you know? I have other things to do – boys to snog, protests to plan-"

"Protests to plan?" Lily asked incredulously, her eyes narrowing. "And boys to snog? I thought you fancied Remus?"

A shadow came over Rose's face at the mention of Remus, and she shook her head as she pulled Lily out of the portrait hole. Lily was pulled roughly, Rose's hand wrapped tightly around Lily's wrist as she pulled her further away from the Common room before she pushed Lily into a wall – her hand coming to point at Lily's chest. "Do you want to learn, or not?"

"Yes," Lily told her, without an ounce of fear over the girls apparent want to intimidate her.

Rose nodded, before motioning for Lily to stay close, "Follow me."

Lily didn't bother asking any questions, for she knew they wouldn't be answered. They came to the seventh floor, and Rose suddenly stopped in front of a wall – waiting as a door became visible. Lily's eyebrows furrowed in shock as Rose grabbed Lily's hand, and pulled her through to the door – the sight of a large, sparse room with a sprinkling of furniture meeting her.

The room itself was anything but quaint; with posters of W.A.M coating the walls while there was shelves offering a plethora of books. Training dummy's were scattered throughout the room, while padded mats offered a small ounce of safety. Lily felt her eyes grow wide as she examined the room – not knowing where she was or if she was supposed to even be here.

"What-"

"The Room of Requirement," Rose supplied, sitting down on one of the couches as she flicked through one of the provided magazines. She glanced up at Lily, pursing her lips as she noticed the girls flabbergasted expression. "You've never been here, have you?"

"No," Lily whispered, walking weakly around the room. "How-"

"If you need it, it shows itself," Rose provided, before she offered Lily a sickly sweet smile, "And if you had come to W.A.M. meetings, you might know that."

"I'm not joining your group, Rose," Lily snapped, her eyes narrowed as she turned back to her teacher. _Godric, Rose is my teacher, _she thought bitterly as regret surged through her, _how could I ever think this is a good idea? _"Are you going to teach me, or what?"

"I will," She informed her, before she smiled. "But first, I need my your share of this agreement."

"My what-" Lily began, before Rose cut her off.

"I need tutoring in Potions," Rose informed her, her cheeks flushing slightly. "You're the best in the year, other than Snape and I'm not about to go ask him to tutor me."

Lily stared at her for a second, knowing how hypocritical it would be to completely refuse her request – as she truly wanted to. _It was the least I could do_, Lily thought, _seeing as I am asking her for help. _"Of course," Lily affirmed with a nod. "Sure, I can help you."

Rose looked at her for a second, before she smiled brightly. "Thanks."

"So can we start?"

"Oh, you want to start now?" Rose asked, quirking a brow before she shrugged. "Sure – suit yourself."

And with that, she threw a stunner at Lily.

Lily was catapulted back, and with a thud, smashed against the wall. Lily let out a groan as she felt pain ripple through her spine, before she pushed herself up off the floor. "What the hell was that!?"

"I'm teaching you," Rose said, her tone lacking any empathy as she continued to flick through Witch Weekly. "Merlin, does Witch Weekly even know what progression is? Listen to this article, '_How to please your man with 10 different body transfigurations! _Urgh, gag._" _

"That is not teaching me!" Lily exclaimed, her green orbs burning with fury. "That's just stunning me!"

Rose looked up, smiling. "Well, if you don't like my teaching methods, you can get someone else to teach you – isn't Potter second best in Defence?"

Lily's jaw locked as she stared at Rose, who was almost taunting her; wanting her to attack her. Rose cocked her head to the side, the smile still fixed on her lips. "Oh, you don't want Potter to teach you?"

"No."

"Well then you'll listen to me," Rose told her as she stood up, "This was, of course, how I was taught."

"You were taught this way?" Lily asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

"Of course," Rose confirmed with a nod, "My parents don't hold back."

"How old were you?" Lily inquired, her voice still incredulously toned.

"I don't know," Rose said with a shrug.

"So what's the point in you just stunning me?"

Rose smiled as she stood opposite Lily, exposing her wand. "You need to know the pain to defend yourself from it. My Mum always said that spells are what we make of them, and for spells to be truly powerful, we must know them in the same way your opponent will."

"Oh, so I guess I should expect the Cruciatus curse?" Lily joked, her tone light which evoked a smile from the brunette Gryffindor.

"I've thought about it. Now, wand out," Lily followed her instruction, revealing her wand and Rose sighed. "Oh, good Godric, you have horrid form – what are you defending yourself from, good posture? Stand up straight!"

"Form?" Lily questioned as she straightened out her body. "Why are we learning about form?"

"Because, Red," Rose began as she fixed Lily's form – changing the position of her shoulders, and the height of her arm, "Form is everything. If you have bad footing, you're fucked. You could get knocked over easily, or be more vulnerable to a stunning spell. You also leave your left side open, which is just swell if you want to be killed."

Lily pursed her lips. "They don't teach us about form in class."

"Well good thing you're not in class then, Red," Rose drawled as she resumed her position opposite Lily.

"Blimey, have you been hanging out with Sirius Black?" Lily asked, cocking a brow as Rose smiled.

"Well, he is a good shag."

"Oh, Merlin, _no_," Lily groaned, shaking her head. "You're shagging him? And I thought you had self respect."

Rose's laughter bounced off the walls as she shook her head, "Nah, Red, I haven't shagged him. Black is too pretty for my tastes."

"I'll be sure to tell him that," Lily mumbled.

Rose smiled. "Okay. Now attack me, Red."

"What?" Lily asked, shaking her head, "I can't attack you!"

"Well, you _can, _you're just _not,_" Rose said, before she gave an encouraging nod. "Come on. Hit me with your best stunner and when you cast it, I want you to think of the pain that the stunner gave you."

"You want me to-"

"Just _do _it, Red."

Lily hesitated, before she threw her wand up and pointed it at her fellow Gryffindor. "Stupefy!"

Lily waited for Rose to be thrown – _hoped _that it would work – yet as the spell captured Rose, it faltered in its efforts and threw her back barely a meter. Unlike Rose's spell, Rose did not fall due to its force, nor did she let out any noise that would hint at the force of the spell. Lily looked at her wand, disappointment flowing through her before she looked to Rose apologetically. "I'm sorry, Rose, I-" Lily cut herself off, her shoulders slacking. "I can't even do a stupid stunner."

Rose cocked a brow. "And? Are you waiting for the violins to start playing?"

"No-"

"Then try again," Rose demanded, resuming her stance. "We don't have all day, Evans."

Lily stared at Rose in exasperation, before she adopted her stance again; pointing her wand at Rose. Yet after several failed attempts at trying to throw Rose back, Lily threw her hands up in the air – frustration consuming her as she wondered if it was even worth it. "Maybe I should just stick to Potions."

Rose sighed, walking over to where Lily stood as she offered her peer a hard look. "Listen, Red, it's not going to work if you keep hesitating. _Don't hesitate. _Because Death Eaters won't hesitate to kill you."

"Death Eaters?" Lily asked, her cheeks flushing. "I doubt that I'll ever fight Death Eaters!"

Rose scoffed. "Then you're an idiot. Are you going to fight in the war?"

"I- I haven't thought about it," She revealed, biting her lip. "I haven't even thought about life after school."

"Sod off, Red, that is such bullshit," Rose sneered. "You're telling me that Lily Evans – prefect, shoo-in for Head girl, and potions genius-

"I am _not _a potions genius," Lily told her, shaking her head. "And I'm not a shoo-in-"

Rose continued, "Has not thought about life after school?"

"Well, I mean, I've just been- I don't know!" Lily cried, shaking her head. "I just never thought that I _could _fight Death Eaters."

Rose grinned. "Well, you'll fight them whether you're in the war or not."

"I know," Lily murmured, running a hand through her red locks. "I know I will."

"Okay," Rose replied, clapping her hands as she went back to her place. "Try again. Attack me."

Lily hesitated, before she felt annoyance spill through her as she saw Rose's smirk. Thinking of the pain – what it felt like to be thrown against the wall – Lily pointed her wand, and cried, "Stupefy". Unlike the attempts prior, the spell was not weak, or a feeble attempt, but threw Rose back a few meters – her body colliding with the floor with a 'humph'. Lily stared, shocked, that she had managed to cast such a powerful spell – her eyes moving to her wand as she felt the adrenaline coarse through her.

She had done it.

She had actually done it.

"Fuck, Red, are you sure you need lessons?" Rose asked, looking up at Lily with a grimace.

"It's usually not that good!" Lily said with a squeal, pride practically radiating from her as she helped Rose up. "I promise, really, it's so much better now! Sorry, by the way, did I hurt you?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Well, your stunners are fine – maybe they could be a bit better but they're fine. And I'm fine."

"Really?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "No, I'm lying to you to give you a false sense of confidence – of course they're good."

Lily flushed. "Sorry."

"It's fine," Rose murmured, before she grabbed her wand again. "Okay, lets go again."

"Again?"

"Again."

* * *

**Okay, thanks for the feedback, especially Flavinha Greeneye! I loved reading you're review, and your English is perfect! I'm so happy that you like the character development - I also see Lily as an incredibly kind person, and she is, she's just in a very frustrated place at the moment - what with her lack of ability in defence and her worries about her family. **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**


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